Taking Power Back from Him

Funny how by the time a relationship hits that point where someone moves out, most women are already way past done.  And yet, after all those years invested, there are still doubts to be looked at, still tears to be shed, still some residual power he holds.
I know Elenor Roosevelt said thtat no one can have power over you unless you give it to them, but How!! how do I take back the power? 
I like to believe that every step I take since his decision, that every victory, every peaceful moment is my taking power back.  I have to trust that eventually this pain, this self doubt will fade.
But it hardly seems fair. i never talked to other men.  I did not give up on him ever.  I didn't believe in castles and princesses or heros with dragon slaying swords before him.  HE is the one that made me believe.
And then. 
He not only took it away, but gave me every damn thing he ridiculed from my past.  I have never been so let down in my 40 years on this planet, and I am not a stranger to pepole making piss poor choices, myself included.
I poor over my diaries, letters we exchanged, replay every discussion and I just don't understand what I did to deserve this. What is it about me that brings out the rage in men? The misogynistic attitude they all seem to bring to me, AFTER rebuilding me just enough to believe is beyond my comprehension...
So many things in hindsight were huge warning signs.  But really, why is it tha ti need to be spending every romantic moment on hyper alert?  REally?? He took eight years of my life, demanding more and more and giving less and less and yet I am being cast as the evil villain.
I want my power back!