I am not your wife anymore... remember?

Dear NoLongerMyHusband,
According to provincial law, from the very second you left this house with the intention of no longer living like partners, our marriage ended. 
This means that I am no longer your wife.
I have a signed and witnessed Separation agreement. You signed it! You had your BOSS witness it.
This means I am no longer your wife.
So why is it that I still have to care for your cat? A cat I am allergic to, that was only welcomed here as an extension of your welcome here? You say you 'can't look after her' but that still does not explain WHY this is my problem?
Why is it that when you are broke you call me? Why is that MY problem? I supported you through your wait for a job permit, and when you left you took our family income! I have the cat, the kids and full time school and no hours in which to work, but YOu think I should give YOU money?
Why is it that you call me asking me how to 1. pay your bills, 2. fill out your empolyment paperwork 3. how to pay childsupport 4. How to get an apartment 5. how to get your credit card 6. how to sell your truck.... The list is endless. These things are no longer my responsibility. YOU are no longer my responsibility.  YOU FUCKING chose this, why am I supposed to still look after you? Are you looking after me in ANY FUCKING WAY? Do I call you asking for you to take out the trash? Fix my car? shovel the driveway? fix the plumbing? (oh.. never mind.. I did all those tings anyways. )
Why is it that you call me looking for hugs? You are lonely?  um.. you had a family and didn't want them.  You had a pile of people extend friendship to you and you hid in the living room instead of accepting any overtures.. Why is it my problem that you are lonely?  You are scared?  Who made the choices that are now weighing on you?
The kids don't call you? Really?  So you are saying, that after you left (without a fucking word to them about it) and did not contact them for nearly TWO FUCKING WEEKS, they should be gleefully chasing your pouty, bitter, self pitying self for conversations?  After nearly a decade of you withrdrawing from them, suddenly because you NEED them they should want to call you?? Really?
Life is rough for you? Money is tight? You have no one? No one wants to hang out with you?
Fuck..
I told you and told you, begged and pleaded with you, yelled and cried... I tried dammit.  I tried to get you to GRAB the life you have and LIVE it! This is the only life you get, and you are wasting it. 
You are so busy blaming everyone (its your ex, your sister, your mother, your father, your grandparents, your work, your boss, that coworker, me, teh kids, david, jarrett, my family, the neighbours, my friends... ) everyone but you.  What is teh common denominator? 
How come, if our marriage is my fault (oh, Angel changed so much.. she stopped loving you?  really?) then how come leaving didn't make your live better?  It made mine better.  It made the kids's life better.
How come your walking away from everyone in the states didn't fix your life? How come the people you blame are still doing fine, but you are not?
IT IS YOU!! You won't let go of the imagined and real hurts of the past.  Yes it hurts.  Fuck we ALL hurt.  Get OVER IT.  You won't enjoy any damn thing that comes your way.  You insist on drama, you refuse peacefullness.  You sat on that couch and would NOT live with us.
AND you fucking pretend that you oh so did not cross the line with Cindy? Really?  When was the last time you took your family to something like the ice show?  Do I sit and text under a blanket to a guy? WTF? 
You wouldn't cuddle.  You wouldn't laugh with us.  You would not tolerate us. You would not take joy with us.  So now you chose to leave, and you want me to make your leaving better for you... Well fUCK THAT.
Quit fucking asking me for help.  Quit calling my uber broke ass for money.  Quit blaming everyone else for your loneliness. 
You make more money to support your single ass than I do to pay the TWO FUCKING mortgatges you left me with and support a family of four, one of those is YOUR CAT.
You won't pay childsupport, you wont take responsibility for your choices and you won't do a damn thing but mope about.  Enjoy it I guess.  But know that, regardless of how far you run, how many people you walk away from, you can't leave yourself.  Even if you DO suicide like you hinted, you will still be with you right to the bitter end.  So if you are not happy, fucking do something about it. (something that does not involve me)
Do you know what is really funny?
You will likely not ever find anyone that will love you without reserve the way I did.  I trusted you, believed in you, loved you.  I opened my home to you, shared everything I have with you.  And you tried to break it.  But after watching me walk away from a 15 year relationship, away from the man I had my children with, and STILL SURVIVE IT what made you think you could destroy what makes me who I am?
I am a creature of positive energy, of laughter, dancing in teh kitchen, singing off key and rainbows. I am a creature of sunlight, sexual energy, forgiveness and awareness.But more than that, I know myself.  I am aware of my self and I respect myself.  You can't take that away.
Most Sincerely,
the woman who is NOT your fucking wife.

Some men.... Just suck

Some men just suck.
Trust me sweetheart... I am nothing like him... (I am exactly like him, but in some small ways improved, in other small ways much worse).  You are my princess, I cherish you (until you are bound to me, trapped by dependancy), I love your open sexuality, you are so hot (but I will stop loving it, as soon as you come to crave the daily contact), I love how intelligent you are, of course I am not threatened by it (but I will make you suffer for every moment I feel you have bested me, surpassed me or ventured into anything that doesn't include me) I will be strong for you, it is okay to lean on me (and when you do I will mock you then not be there for you).  Let me hold you, be your comfort, it is okay to cry (and then, upon sight of even one tear, I will walk away, disgusted.)
And my favorite.  "I love you."
I don't know what that means to some people, but I for one can't just stop loving someone just because it is difficult.
I hate that I don't get to just turn off how I feel the way certain jackasses seem to be able to do.  I hate that by caring I loose some of my coveted control over my life, that regardless of my lack of enjoyment for tears, pouts, rants, anger, irritation and all that fun break up upheaval I get to experience it all.
Yeah yeah, it will get better.  Yes, I am doing ok, I am moving foward day by day.  But It still irks me.  Why should he get to make all these damned choices, all along, that hurt me and mine? WHY? And worse I think is the guilt... Because I don't really miss him.  The house is so damn peaceful.  So home.  I mean... I hurt but... I am relieved too.  Grateful.  Relaxed.  But guilty...
Why should I be sitting here feeling guilty that I am taking this trip.  I EARNED this trip.  I DESERVE it dammit.. I deserve it far more than he deserves to be able to just bail on us financially and then demand food money from me.  And so what if the card is a bit racked up after.  So what??
I am the one who has to pay it off. My playtime, my bill, my responsibility...
BAH. 
Some men... Just Suck...