Stigmas in our Community

To my knowledge, the Kink Community is the most diverse and accepting communities out there. We have people from all types of backgrounds and cultures, people with all types of kinky desires and needs.
Yet it seems we just simply cannot coexist without some sort of hierarchy of acceptable kink genres. Why is that?
Why is it that some who consider themselves 'spankos' believe that if you use a flogger you are doing BDSM and therefore are not a spanko? Why is it that some Sissy Maids do not accept DL's? That true Dom(me)s cannot every bottom, that true submissives cannot top ... The list goes on.
In the land of MKINYK/YKINMK can we not just accept that while we do not need to embrace anyones kinky nature, we very well can be accepting and understanding.
I love this community. It excites me that I can come here ('here' being any kink community, online or r/l) and gather information, ask questions, find mentors, share knowledge, meet others, find events and generally feel accepted.
I am aware, however, that I cannot share all my kinky adventures. I have to be careful who I share what with, as some of what I enjoy is stigmatized.
I try very hard to be accepting and even when your kink freaks me the hell out, I try to learn a bit about it, in order to be supportive. If you do blood play, for example, I won't watch, but I will help you find the safety supplies you need and be there to listen and encourage you to grow and learn and experience.
I think some people in our community have forgotten (or perhaps never knew) the pain of having to hide such a huge part of themselves away from the world. I believe we all need to check ourselves-are we as accepting as we could be of other people in this community? What group do we look down on? Then we need to learn about that group, to lessen our fear of what they do and be able to say, no, YKINMK but you are welcome here.
Not saying to accept anything that really truly goes against your moral fiber. Some things are just wrong. But if the activity involves consenting adults who are taking steps to ensure that what they do is done as safe as possible, then quit judging

Are we doing this D/s thing wrong?

Sir,
I think we must be doing this wrong.
More to the point, either You are doing this wrong or I am not a twu submissive.
I read so many of the forums, I belonged to several groups, I asked questions, I had (and still have) mentors. In these groups we often would talk about the struggles that can come with full time power exchanges and I would find myself remaining very silent. Not because I myself don't struggle, but because their struggles seem.... well downplayed to say the least. Sometimes they even seem trivial.
"How do you cope when He/She asks you to do a chore you hate?" is a common theme. To me this is a no brainer. I do the same thing when I have a chore to do that I hate and You don't tell me to do it. I do it. This is part of life, right? Doing things that are not fun? I mean, chores are called that because they are chores.
And I will go a step further... the only time You ever have to 'tell' me to do a chore it is because I have been slacking, behind, or whatever. In those cases I feel bad immediately because I SHIRKED SOMETHING. I feel I let myself down, and thus by extension YOU. I don't struggle with this. There is nothing to struggle against. I recognize, make a note to improve it and move on.
"How do you manage your dissapointment/distress/discomfort when He demands you to wear something you don't like." Um... depends on why I don't like it I suppose. If I have a valid concern or objection I voice it. We discuss it. Otherwise I assume you have your reasons. I mean... if choosing what I wear (be this a protocol for day to day or just for during a scene) is part of our power exchange then I actually made that choice, right?
"How do you deal with Him/Her asking you for sexual service that you don't want to do" What? I talk about it. If I don't want to do some sort of sexual act with You it is either outside of my limits (which You would of course not expect nor ask for), or I have a reason (I am sick as hell, for example) and need to share this reason. Are there secret crazy sex things that these other subs get asked to do that I don't know about? If so my feelings are hurt that You, my Sir, have not asked me for such naughty things.
Again, taking this a step further, perhaps some of the posters are referring to that lack of desire that can occur when a relationship is not being maintained. This is not a power exchange problem though, in my opinion, but more of a relationship problem. Such things should be discussed well before the resentment and not attracted don't wanna touch you stage, right? Right Sir?
Seriously though, they never seem to really struggle with submission. They don't seem to ever wake up and feel non compliant, to really struggle with the fundamental aspect. They don't seem to wonder if they submit too much, or struggle to accept their need to submit.
I don't see posts on that moment of "FUCK YOU" when their Sir/Ma'am orders them to do something that pricks their pride. I have not read of anyone who blushes over certain indignities and has yet found a way to gracefully submit to some aspects of being a toy to play with, clean, poke at and inspect.
No one seems to be talking about how to deal with those hurt feelings when play does not happen, or hurt feelings when one is corrected by their Sir/Ma'am, or hurt feelings when You don't seem interested and I need NEED YOUR attention.
Certainly I seem to be the only one that struggles with the balance of submitting to You while still being able to ask for my needs to be met too. The line between communicating and overstepping. I also seem to be the only one who struggles with the idea of trusting you to not ask of me what is not good for me, but not also not expecting you to mind read.
Is submitting 24/7 really that easy for everyone else? That their biggest problem is not being 'in the mood' once in awhile, or having to do chores they don't like? Does no one else ever have selfish moments when they want the type of play they want, or the type of sex they want, or the flipping food they want? Days or moments when they feel obstinate, stubborn or resentful? Moments when they wonder if they are really doing what is right for them? For their partner?
NEVER?
Perhaps we are doing this wrong.. Or more to the point Sir, You must be doing this wrong. Or perhaps I am not a twu sub... that having my own wants and desires that sometimes feel larger than my ability to obey makes me a non sub.
Or perhaps no one likes to admit they struggle with these things, in case someone points at them and accuses them of also not being a twu submissive.

Kink... Just another pigeon hole?

Isn't it interesting that in a group that exists to allow acceptance of those who are considered "outside the box" due to their sexuality, that one is immediately asked to find a box to fit in as per the mainstream groups found here?
I had to giggle over the choices when making my profile. Even in our fetishes, we are categorizing, classifying, grouping and generalizing. Are you a sub? bottom? male? TG? GQ? Master? Goddess? Protector? Princess? Do you like whips? whipcream? chocolate? Saran Wrap? (now I am hungry.. sigh)
I am horrible with terminology, as many who know me can certainly attest to !
I tend to get hung up on needing that term, that label or this category, defined, explained, examined, applied, tested and redefined. I tend to reject them out of hand, have people I trust and respect ask me to rethink it, and have to acknowledge, begrudgingly, that maybe.. MAYBE that label sort of fits.
Words can hurt! They have power! And labels not only lend to a definitive cast upon the person they are applied to, but they encourage limitations, they are confining, ambiguous. They contradict!
I oh so do not like ambiguity.
And yet, everyone of us defines ourselves with labels and terminology that may not have the same meaning to another. I am a bottom, certainly, if bottom means, "glutton to be spanked, teased, paddled, flogged, caned, etc". But it doesnt seem to mean that to anyone but me! i am a sub, i suppose, if by sub you mean "becomes submissive when with someone she trusts, in situations where she feels she safe and treasured, usually those situations are sensual or sexual in nature" Again though, that is my definition. I am a slave if you mean, "for a set period of negotiated time she gives teh right to another to make all decisions for her within her agreed upon and discusses limitations" (haha, but for me that period of time is likely less than a couple of hours.. just saying).
I am a top if you mean that I get pleasure from creating a scene for someone's enjoyment. I am a dominant if by dominant you mean that I like to get my way, I am sometimes bossy and capable of looking after myself and anything and anyone else I choose. I am a sadist if you mean that I can become sexually aroused by someone elses struggle to accept the overload of sensations that I can create. I am a masochist if you mean that what causes pain to many causes me intense sexual pleasure and well being.
But I tend to see those things more like a sliding scale. I do not see being a Top and a Bottom as oppositional, but rather different perspecitves of sensation play. I do not see Dominant and Submissive as opposites, but rather each is their own quality that we each posess some of. Johnny may be an 8 on a 1-10 scale of dominance, and be a 6 on a 1-10 scale of submissiveness. I think most of the BDSM labels are overgneralized, when they can be so situation specific, so partner specific and mood driven.
I don't want a pigeon hole! I certainly don't enjoy being told, "your profile lists you as a thisorthat but you just spoke like a thatorthis" so WHAT!?
I am a person, with varying moods, varying skills. Today I might crave being pinned over a knee, getting the hell spanked out of me until I am in tears and struggling like mad, and tomorrow I may crave the satisfaction of holding those floggers in my hand, watching the skin I am whacking pinken and swell so wonderfully. So what? Why must I enjoy only what someone else wants for me to enjoy? Why do we, us humans, feel that we need to match up with someone that enjoys sex the exact same way we do, rather than enjoy the diversity of each persons skill set, interests and quirks?
Still, all ranting and my own quirks against labels aside, This community is amazing. So many people with such a wide variety of interests, attitudes and so forth. How .. YUMMY
Enjoy..
~.o