SSC Meet and Learn May 3rd

I was fairly excited, as the winter had been quite long and we were long overdue for a community gathering.  With so many of the original group having moved away, however, I was not sure how many people to expect.

FHB was fairly stoked.  N had volunteered to be his demo for pressure points.  I planned on a rope tutorial to follow his presentation and of course we had something new and exciting... A surprise for everyone!

With so many people messaging me for the address I thought we might have a full house.  I find that many people, when they find out we have waivers and if you appear 'young' you may be required to show ID, are reluctant to attend.  I understand their reticence, but at the same time I have to ensure that EVERYONE is safe, protected and that we all are on the same page.

FHB gave F a ride, and N showed up shortly after.  We introduced them and chatted for a time.  At quarter after, however, we moved forward and presented our surprise.

This innocent looking device is a spanking machine from spankermachine.com  We set it up, attaching it to a rickety side table I have (not sure why I have not replaced that thing either, but...) and attached my shortest cane to it. 

N was our brave volunteer, and what a show!!  You can see in the video that the machine's clamp is rather lame, and that the implements keep dropping lower and lower.  But for the money it is certainly a great find.

I admit, I was laughing hysterically as N danced all over and the machine relentlessly continued to swat her.  I noted, with some mirth, that she stood there, never moving away-so all her jumping about seemed twice as funny.

Just as we wrapped that up and started the pressure point demo, J called to say they were headed over.  FHB happily redid the Pressure Points demo for J and then we did a toy share and chat for the rest of the evening.

Perhaps not as structured as we sometimes get, but it was fantastic to gather again! See you all next month!

How about bottoming from the Top? Hmm?

At a gathering recently I was asked to weigh in on the phenomena known as "Topping from the bottom".

It's a subject that has always annoyed me a wee bit, as i just don't see what all the hullabaloo is about. Wasn't it Eleanor Roosevelt who said that no one can have power over you unless you give it to them?

Often is seems to me that this label is used as a knee jerk reaction of disapproval to us brats who will do our equivalent of kicking Sir in the shin to let him know we'd really like some funishment.
Other people seem to be referring to a bottom saying "harder, softer, that wrapped, please no teeth" once in the scene.

Still others, a smaller group in my experience, also include a bottom who is clear about what they want in a scene.

To those of you from the first group... It is annoying, I am sure, to be Lord UberDomly Thunderpants and have your submissive glutton playfully brat you. Poor thing. If you are truly Lord UberDomly Thunderpants then you should be able to deal with this in an adult and leadership based manner. You could, perhaps, sit your submissive down and state clearly that you do not enjoy this behavior and it will not result in funishment at all, but time out. Or perhaps find out WHY your submissive is bratting rather than coming to you in an adult manner and stating clearly that he or she would REALLY like some play please. Or recognize that sometimes it is just fun to brat, and you could have fun sending them to a corner. Throwing the overused phrase "Topping from the bottom" is lazy. And in my oh so personal opinion, every bottom/sub/slave has the right to ask for what they need. Them asking does NOT force you to do a dang thing. If your sub is a SAM, (like perhaps I can be) and you don't care for it, again... Conversation. Leadership skills.

To those who feel that a bottom speaking up from within a scene is nothing but the bottom behaving like a Top, I respectfully suggest you hone your Topping skills. Or perhaps your pre-scene negotiating skills need work. If I am not getting what I need out of the scene, or getting something I do not need, I have the RESPONSIBILITY to say so. If you are bottoming to me, I EXPECT you to speak up. None of us are psychic. And Lord UberDomly Thunderpants? If you are EVER uncomfortable during a scene, you have the right to safe word and end the scene. So if you truly feel that your bottom is Topping, call yellow. Discuss it. Can't resolve it? End the scene, part amicably.

Done deal.

To those few who feel that a bottom negotiating a scene clearly is Topping.. Well no words of mine will help you. Good luck with that.

Perhaps someone can also explain to me why it is that we never hear complaining about those who sub from the Top. Why is it no one is assuming that some things that Tops do are actually submissive behaviors? Is it subbing from the Top when SirRespectful asks his bottom, "Would you like me to go harder?" Is it subbing from the Top when the bottom is asked to choose what implements? When the Top checks in with the sub to see if things are still ok? When the Top gets a buzz from what he/she is doing?

Is is subbing from the Top when Lord Confident Dom says to his bottom/submissive/slave, "I want to experience xyz, go grab the whatchamallit and use it on me."

My opinion? Not at all. But if we are going to shame a subby type for speaking up for what they need, or for trying to be playful and get playtime that way, it's only fair if any signs of respect, compassion, or desire for sensory play should be seen as subbing from the Top, no?

My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa
Merry Christmas!! How are you?
With Christmas fast approaching I figured I had best write, partly out of fear and partly out of my love for you.
I have tried so very hard to be a good girl this year, Santa, I really did! But it is so very hard to be good when I am surrounded by so many perverted ladies and gents who want to be rigged and bound, teased and photographed. I couldn't help myself Santa!! To be blunt and honest, I am not sorry for my ropey times and rigging fun.
I didn't mean to sass Sir those five hundred plus times. But Santa, he sets me up, I swear!! He says the most leading things and my mouth opens and my wit pops out. Truly, not fair to count this as naughty! Besides, he enjoys my wit, my bratty sass. So... this doesn't count as naughty, right Santa? Right?
I guess though I have no excuse for the defiance on at least three occasions. I know I need to learn to put pride aside and just do what I am told. But of the four times this year he gave me a directive, I listened at least once! That counts for something, hey Santa?
I know that my school work is behind. I have a list a mile long for excuses, but really, I need to learn to prioritize things, to not take on more than I can do. Sir has kindly pointed this out a few zillion times Santa. (Should nagging perhaps be put on Sir's list of naughty behaviours?) Sir already made me pay for this, with his disapproving sighs and mini lectures on looking after myself. So we are good, Right Santa?
The only other really naughty thing I have done this year is to fantasize much about your visit this year. I love you Santa! I Love your snowy beard, your jolly laugh, your sugary kisses, your firm hand, your dashing black belt, your shiny boots.. Just thinking about you makes my belly quiver and a delicious wet feeling happen 'down there'. What girl doesn't fantasize about Santa bending her naughty self over a chair back, thrashing her jiggling backside with his world famous belt, chanting, "Now Dashit it, you Bratling! You naughty Vixen! On Christmas you'll pay, for naughty behaviour!" Knowing that once she's paid she gets her reward, forgiveness and jolly good fucking. That is how it goes, right Santa? I know I am on your blacklist but...
I have done many good things too, Santa! I have cared for my loved ones and respected (mostly) my Sir. I have given of my heart freely, learned not to fear love. I have learned to love my larger sized self, to reach out for help and not to yell. I am working on the cutting comments, and learning not to use sarcasm as my communication tool. Surely these things are worth a treat or two? All I want is rope Santa, and bunnies to tie. Perhaps more time for my Sir and a collar that I can abide.
I will stay up waiting for you Santa, all Christmas eve if need be! Perhaps I will wait, bent over a chair!!
Merry Christmas Santa!
Love from
Naughty and Nice Aropedeevil

Are we doing this D/s thing wrong?

Sir,
I think we must be doing this wrong.
More to the point, either You are doing this wrong or I am not a twu submissive.
I read so many of the forums, I belonged to several groups, I asked questions, I had (and still have) mentors. In these groups we often would talk about the struggles that can come with full time power exchanges and I would find myself remaining very silent. Not because I myself don't struggle, but because their struggles seem.... well downplayed to say the least. Sometimes they even seem trivial.
"How do you cope when He/She asks you to do a chore you hate?" is a common theme. To me this is a no brainer. I do the same thing when I have a chore to do that I hate and You don't tell me to do it. I do it. This is part of life, right? Doing things that are not fun? I mean, chores are called that because they are chores.
And I will go a step further... the only time You ever have to 'tell' me to do a chore it is because I have been slacking, behind, or whatever. In those cases I feel bad immediately because I SHIRKED SOMETHING. I feel I let myself down, and thus by extension YOU. I don't struggle with this. There is nothing to struggle against. I recognize, make a note to improve it and move on.
"How do you manage your dissapointment/distress/discomfort when He demands you to wear something you don't like." Um... depends on why I don't like it I suppose. If I have a valid concern or objection I voice it. We discuss it. Otherwise I assume you have your reasons. I mean... if choosing what I wear (be this a protocol for day to day or just for during a scene) is part of our power exchange then I actually made that choice, right?
"How do you deal with Him/Her asking you for sexual service that you don't want to do" What? I talk about it. If I don't want to do some sort of sexual act with You it is either outside of my limits (which You would of course not expect nor ask for), or I have a reason (I am sick as hell, for example) and need to share this reason. Are there secret crazy sex things that these other subs get asked to do that I don't know about? If so my feelings are hurt that You, my Sir, have not asked me for such naughty things.
Again, taking this a step further, perhaps some of the posters are referring to that lack of desire that can occur when a relationship is not being maintained. This is not a power exchange problem though, in my opinion, but more of a relationship problem. Such things should be discussed well before the resentment and not attracted don't wanna touch you stage, right? Right Sir?
Seriously though, they never seem to really struggle with submission. They don't seem to ever wake up and feel non compliant, to really struggle with the fundamental aspect. They don't seem to wonder if they submit too much, or struggle to accept their need to submit.
I don't see posts on that moment of "FUCK YOU" when their Sir/Ma'am orders them to do something that pricks their pride. I have not read of anyone who blushes over certain indignities and has yet found a way to gracefully submit to some aspects of being a toy to play with, clean, poke at and inspect.
No one seems to be talking about how to deal with those hurt feelings when play does not happen, or hurt feelings when one is corrected by their Sir/Ma'am, or hurt feelings when You don't seem interested and I need NEED YOUR attention.
Certainly I seem to be the only one that struggles with the balance of submitting to You while still being able to ask for my needs to be met too. The line between communicating and overstepping. I also seem to be the only one who struggles with the idea of trusting you to not ask of me what is not good for me, but not also not expecting you to mind read.
Is submitting 24/7 really that easy for everyone else? That their biggest problem is not being 'in the mood' once in awhile, or having to do chores they don't like? Does no one else ever have selfish moments when they want the type of play they want, or the type of sex they want, or the flipping food they want? Days or moments when they feel obstinate, stubborn or resentful? Moments when they wonder if they are really doing what is right for them? For their partner?
NEVER?
Perhaps we are doing this wrong.. Or more to the point Sir, You must be doing this wrong. Or perhaps I am not a twu sub... that having my own wants and desires that sometimes feel larger than my ability to obey makes me a non sub.
Or perhaps no one likes to admit they struggle with these things, in case someone points at them and accuses them of also not being a twu submissive.

Muggles are perverts too!

i spent five hours last night as the presenter for a group of non kink women (a.k.a. "Muggles") as part of a local Women's Group. Having never presented for Muggles I was a bit nervous. I live in a smallish community. Said community is also fairly uneducated and overflowing with sexism, racism, general bigotry and of course all sorts of homophobia and conservatism.
I dressed the part, in fake leather bustier, skirt, and cap; each item decorated with the required chains of course. I brought all kinds of goodies-rope bags, toy bags, books, pressure points tools and sensation toys. I had a top end sex swing frame to suspend off of and a volunteer 'bunny'.
We chatted and laughed, and then I had everyone blindfold themselves. Then we played the "If you have done this, raise your hand" and the "If you would like to do this raise your hand" game, as I read off one of the fetish lists.
Aside from activities that are quite edgey, someone raised their hand for every fetish. Every single one, aside from, like I said, the more brazen types of activities that even some in 'the lifestyle' draw a line at.
Muggles are perverts too!
It was a great night, and a learning experience for me as well.

To Submit or Not to Submit

To Submit or Not to Submit,
That is the question

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of honest self exposed

Or to take wit against a sea of dominants

And by so opposing, so to repel them. To falsely resist, to gently submit--

No more--and by resist to say we end

The obedience, and the thousand natural submissions

That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wished, silently feared. To falsely resist, to gently sumbit--

To submit--perchance to risk: ay, there's the rub,

For in that risk of exposed self what dreams may come

When we have our shields dismissed, our soul bare,

Must give us pause. There's the respect

That makes calamity of so habitual resistance

For who would bear the ropes and whips of demands,

Th' submissive's wrong, the proud Dominant's contumely

The pangs of unaccepted love, the truth's delay,

The insolence of false resistance, and the spurns

That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,

When she herself might her submission make

With a bared soul? Who would uphold yet bare,

To moan and tremble under a patient hand,

But that the dread of something after exposure,

The undiscovered truths, from whose bourn

No falseness returns, puzzles the will,

And makes us rather bear those false truths we have

Than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,

And thus the native hue of resistance

Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of fear,

And enterprise of gentle pain and release

With this regard their shame turns them awry

And lose the name of action. -- Soft you now,

The fair Dominant! -- Sirrah, in thy knowing hands

Be all my weaknesses forgiven.

I am a Princess!

Princess:

prin·cess

 [prin-sis, -ses, prin-ses]

1.a nonreigning female member of a royal family.

2History/Historical . a female sovereign or monarch; queen.

3.the consort of a prince.

4.(in Great Britain) a daughter or granddaughter (if the child of a son) of a king or queen.

5.a woman considered to have the qualities or characteristics of a princess.

6. a woman who has value and worth as an individual, and as such is entitled to respect, attention, nurture and spankings.

(I added the last word)

How to get spanked in public?

So.. I recently got told that there is nothing a spoiled princess could possibly do to get spanked in public. 
So riddle me this...What would happen if you were in a public place with a spoiled princess that you HAVE paddled mercilessly before and:
you were in a coffee shop where no one knew you?
If you were reasonably sure that you wouldn't be harassed over it?
If the only bystander seemed like they would agree totally if you did?
If you overheard the people at the next table mention that you should?
If the waitress suggested it?
If Spoiled Princess stepped UP the bratting, dumped water on your lap and when you gave her crap (and you would) she stuck out her tongue and kicked you solidly in the shin?
If the coffee shop was actually loud, dark pub and the table was sitated where likely no one would even see? Or hear?
If you had warned her.. and warned her... and she just kept mocking your ability to do anything about it?
If the barkeep wandered by, slapped a wooden spoon on the table with a pointed look and walked away?
If she waited until you excused yourself for a moment and ate your meal?
Drank your beer?
Hid your keys?
Told the waitress that you are actually part of the Wild Rose Drag Troupe?
Told the bouncer that you are gay and think he is sexy?
If she handed you an xrated gift and smirked as you realized everyone was watching?
Told the waitress you aren't tough enough to handle her?
If she flirted outrageously with the waiter and when you told her to knock it off she sassed, "Make me!"
If she kept waiting till the waiter was at the table and put her Heeled foot in your lap... suggestively moving her foot and giggling, making no effort to be discreet even.
If she tossed herself over your knee and said, "HA!!! Dare you!!! nananananana!!!"
If she she promised to spend the next four hours as your complete slave if you did?
If she had a new sex toy that she said you could do ANYTING you want with if you did?
If she said no sex for you AT ALL if you don't?
If she asked nicely?
If she promised to do that thing you had asked her to do but she was to shy to do?
If you knew the rewards would be mindblowingly great?
If you just plain wanted to?
If your brother, a police officer, promised to field any complaints if you did?
Could any of those create a sitation in which you would spank her, right there?
Could any of those create a situation in which you yard her to the vehicle, telling the waitress you 'just need to take her in hand'?
Could any of those create a situation in which you might feel that there IS a WAY?

Just saying.. Never say Never
PS. I would NEVER do such things, Really!!

Sir RK and My Welcome Back Spanking

I just had to share, in true sassy fashion, a bit about my adventure at the Lupercalia on the second night.
As mentioned on my Lupercalia 2012 page, RK had already worn his energy down topping/doming two lovely young ladies before he grinned at me and beckoned me over.
I had been having a lovely time watching, and although he tried to get me nervous, I was way to confident, giddy and all too gleefullly eager. I scrambled over there, was quickly face down over the lovely bench (hello!! Santa?? I want one of those!!! wow!!!) and my wrists and ankles all secured, but barely.  Lots of wiggle room, but going nowhere-so very yummy.
Sir RK is a lovely Dom/Top, as he is very careful with warm up, patient, not sadistic but more about the experience.  Being in the dungeon was a bit intimidating, but the sounds actually had me half spacey before we did a darn thing.
It was FOREVER, of slightly faster, slightly harder, slightly stingier... I was all giggles and sighs of bliss until that damned cane was pulled out.  I am so scared of it!!
But... the whole point of the post is HAHAHAHA, This is the "can't tell you were there" photo from when I got up to the room:

Yes, Mom's Do Have Sex

An interesting aspect of going from being part of a couple to being single when there are children involved, is watching the children to to fill the adult role left vacant. 
Even when they are adult children, no longer living at home, there seems to be some sort of trigger that goes off in their brain, telling them that their remaining parent NEEDS them to be the adult.
I can't speak for other divorced mothers, of course.  But it will be a cold day in Jamaica when I need a child to tell me how to behave and what is permissible for me to do.
I was out for a drink with a male, when my son, who is an adult himself, was told by someone who spotted me that I was (gasp) in a pub with a man.  My cell phone was non stop the entire time. After my drink/date/meet I went to have a talk with my dear son. We will call him JAY.
Jay "Who was that you were with"
Me. "A date."
Jay, "You can't date! You're a Mom!"
Me, "You know that is ridiculous, right?"
Jay, "I don't want to be out and see you on a 'date'"
Me,"So stay at home then."
Jay, "Where did you meet that guy, What is his name?"
Me, "Listen here, Kiddo.  I am a 40 year old single woman who has needs.  I will go where I want, see who I want, when I want and like hell are you going to make me accountable to you for any of it.  I have the right, as an adult, to make these choices."
Jay, "I still want to know where you met him."
Me, "Be careful what you ask son, I will answer you.... I met him online."
Jay, "WHAT? On a Dating SITE???"
Me. "You really want to know?"
Jay, "Mom I am on dating sites! That is just wrong!"
Me, "I doubt you are on this one.  I met him on a kink website."
Jay, "........."
Me "I was trying to talk him into taking me home for a spanking. Anything else you want to know?"
Jay, "MOOOOM!!!!"
Me. "Yes?"
I doubt he will ask me again, lol.

I am a dork, I know it.

So, call me a dork.  I don't care! I am, and I know it.  I like my textbooks.  I like intelligent words and words used intelligently.  Go ahead, laugh when I pronounce words incorrectly.  I know WHY I do, can you figure it out?
I love making up my own words.  I love giganormous hugs and angelisms.  I think somedays are filled with nerventures that can leave a person feeling positively glowiant. Why not?
Yes I cry at cartoon music videos, yes I think laughter DOES belong in the bedroom and tears can be cried silently.  I <3 dungeons and dragons, wizards and magic! I can't draw a stick man, but there is art in my head that I try to find ways to let out.
No, I don't think it is a bad thing to REALLY be laughing out loud during emailing, texting or chatting when I have types LOL.  That IS what LOL means people.  YES I think YOu should follow the rules and I should not have to.  YES I damned well know I am a pain in the ass, high maintenance, demanding, goofy and sometimes ridiculous.
So, what?
I am a dork... Sue me.
LOL (literally)

Naughty Wish List

I would love it if there was a website where one could compare their naughty wish list to other people's and perhaps gain some ideas!!
Here is mine:
-Belly ring fixed
-various types of rope, lengths of 4' and 15' and 30' of exotic colours
-all kinds of leather hides, suede, fur etc
-a leather full, over breasts corset with long vampire skirt and long cape OH YES PLEASE!!
-a decorative gold chain slave girl outfit.  mmmmm
-new BOB's
-I want clips with chains to go from nipples to clit, more sensual than holy shit that hurts ish
-Bondage Bench!!! that collapses to go under my bed please
-I want some of those prickly wheels and stuff we saw at luper, sensory toys
-Feather boa
-CanCan outfit
-Cheerleader outfit
-Red Leather Catsuit with mask and boots!!
-Fancy urn for my canes
-My own Cross, but hideable....
-Fur lined ankle cuffs
-Princess dress (I'd like to be rescued please)
- A Lady's dagger
-Medeival erotic art for my room
-Wigs!!
-I want swagger boots (long story)
-Costume trunk!
-dragon cane... dammit
-various oils of varying tingly making
-a professionnally done erotic photo shoot
-A real desk
Good start, right?