FHB gets Even

I quivered as he came up the steps, startling when he dropped something on the counter, and again startling as he poked and grasped, pressed against those damned pressure points, hands and fingers going where he wished.
I moaned/whimpered as he prodded my rather (ummm) moist nether region, loving the appreciative sounds he was making and the utterly exposed feeling. Then I had a moment of panic when I realized I had forgotten the damned collar... Not sure if he forgot as well, or just decided to ignore the gaffe in light of my already stressed out state.
Then FHB ordered me up, as he drew me to my shaky feet. I helped him out of his clothes, and we chatted as he headed to shower. I quickly rounded up the mat, the keys to the toy closet (I tried for bratty and put a huge padlock on it the day before.. effort wasted as FHB didn't notice lol) and tried to wrap up a few study notes while I waited.
When FHB headed into our bath, I grabbed the key, and knelt, splayed forward, upon the bed, and waited, hands holding out the key.
MUCH later, FHB decided it was time to open the toy closet, which he communicated by yanking me to the edge of the bed and flipping me over in a smooth and caveman like motion. I lay there, feet touching the floor, hands in front of me, determined to be oh so good and just sink into the beating...
(I oh so love my beatings!!)
FHB apparently had other ideas..He fastened the collar around my neck (Why does that cause such a mix of "oh fuck" and "oh my"??) and sat beside me, one hand pressing me into the bed while the other rapidly and harshly warmed my skin. I was making all those protesting sounds and struggling to stay in place (and failing), half laughing, half whimpering when he picked up his damned flyswatter from Thorgiers That thing is a MEAN tool for warm up.. Particularly when it is being applied briskly and with non warm up force.
It was at this point that I started to figure out that a long luxurious beating was not what was in store for me. But a more ... aggressive sort of beating...
Which makes it even harder to deal with, for me. I get that half in subspace lack of cognition... mixed with a bit of "Is he wroth with me?" and the whole complex feel good, hurt feelings, desire, longing, foot stomping, pride hurt cuz struggling, glad its not easy, but I like my luxuriously long.. dammit... sort of mashup going on.
I have no real recollection of what all FHB was using after the flyswatter, a tawse (the freebee from Lupercalia.. I can't remember the store name, but I will update that when I remember.. it is incredibly stingy and makes a satisfying CRACK) that mean as hell rubber paddle and his oh so firm hands. I do know that I bucked hard enough that I got my toe whacked, which made FHB scold me (Which made me cry). I actually yellowed a couple times I think... I know that Sir had to hold me down fairly firmly at times... I have a rather vivid recollection of Sir's hand between my thighs, flooding me with humiliation over my incredibly wet to the knees state as he teased me horribly for it. (GAAWWWDDDDDD!!!!)
And no... none of that is punishment. That is just freaking amazing and wonderful fun. (for me).
The payback?
That was when I yellowed, sobbing, hating that damned rubber thing for making me beg, loving Sir for knowing that begging was the perfect speed for my angsty mood... and i felt him stand and relief coursed through me, my only thought was 'done... no more... done.. done done.." and suddenly a very sharp object was cutting me from shoulder to heel, over and over, as I squealed and begged, and pled and cried, That wartenburg thing SUCKS. I HATE IT!! Well... ok I love and hate it. I swear.. it is cutting me to ribbons and yet... not a freaking mark. NOT ONE!!!
So yes... two apples are paid for.. My apologies that the picture is so anti-climatic. Bug Firm-Hand-Buddha to post the pics of the marks from Luper-I really just don't mark up anymore....
Hopefully our stingray paddle shows up today!!
PS
I had issues sitting through my exam, my ass was so swollen after that my jeans creasing as I sat was incredibly difficult to bear. It was awesome.
xxoo to FHB

Incredible Journey: Sunday at Luper

Even though my Sir, Firm-Hand-Buddha had played fairly hard upon my ass and etc Friday night, by Sunday I had not a mark, which has been something Firm-Hand-Buddha has heard a great deal of whining about. I have a friend who is fairly new to the lifestyle and has that lovely skin that marks beautifully, and I am jealous!! My marks these days fade within an hour. This silly yearning for marks has led me to do all sorts of silly things, from using exfoliating cleansers on my ass to derma-abrasion... but to no avail. The skin of my ass just heals like magic these days.

The dungeon was much busier this time (in comparison to Friday). Our favorite benches were in use, and Sir decided to forgo playing with his new wand. (Yes I was disappointed dammit!! But as a spank-a-holic I prevailed and did not drag my feet at all.. .much. Sir picked out a kneeling style bench, and kindly did not use any of the eye-bolts to restrain me.

He loosened my corset, quite a bit, which is usually a sign that this is going to be long and hard-otherwise usually it is just enough for me to bend. I love my corset, just in case anyone was wondering. I could see his boots, and reached as if to untie his laces, which of course got me that playful, "Don't think about it!" (Why do those words make me so wet??)

Sir's warm up was short and sweet, leaving my backside very warm and eliciting all sorts of blush causing sounds from me. I could clearly hear the conversation of the leather folk in front of me, which, for whatever reason, added to my head space. It was Swat! Smack! "Hmmm, How about the weather here? It's so windy" Smack! Moan, Blush, writhe. "Did anyone see.." I felt as if I was of no note, not important at all. Even when the comments may have been about me or Sir (or not) it was so indirect that I felt completely objectified. Not usually my thing, really, but this time, in this moment, it was perfect.

Again I was facing the crowd (was i the only one that noted that most equipment seemed to be this way this year? Am I the only one that likes to hide their face?). With all the over-stimulation of the weekend, between classes, the market, the hundreds of kink folk everywhere...well I was not finding it difficult to sink into that lovely cocoon of safe and yummy that some call subspace.

Sir, perhaps in response to how easily I was managing his initial erm high spirited swats, stepped up his game. I swear, the moment I was able to find my rhythm, there he was smacking harder, faster or in more tender spots. My hands were not fastened and I writhed, often grabbing his leg in a desperate measure to be able to not make a spectacle of myself. I would sink into that yummy space and Sir would grin evilly (or so I imagined) and pull me up just a bit.. I would finally sink again and he would up the ante and yard me out again. I have no idea how I managed to not lift off that bench.
And so we danced.

He led the dance with his implements, working my skin and nerves to exhaustion. His hand swinging to a beat only he can hear as he led me through bucking, moaning, begging, and yes giggling. The music added an element to the dance in a very ... strong way.

He beat me and my body begged for more. He drew from me sounds, motions and emotions-I could feel myself being molded-filling with a need to just be all he demanded. In that instant I submitted in a way I had never really felt before. This was no longer about my love of spankings (etc), but this was about us. About him. About giving over myself. It was a beautiful moment.
My body followed his without my willing it. I bucked for him, I squirmed for him, I raised my hips to help him. i quivered, I sobbed, I moaned. I didn't give a flying shit if I looked ridiculous, sounded pathetic... all I cared about was the dance, his lead, the moment.

I have no idea what this was in reality, but from where I was it felt frantic, as if the speed and force were so erratic and out of control, as my hands scrambled for a way to anchor me, my hips lifted and churned... I was certainly frantic. Nothing hurt but I felt as if I had become the dance-I was the the tempo.

Then things slowed. Time fragmented as I felt ebony against my skin. i could hear my breathing, my whimpers, and every inch of my skin tingled and pulsed as he pressed that dreaded and loved paddle against my skin. My hips lifted, my body melted, relaxed.

The impact streamed red, and I begged, writhed, found my center and again lifted, and melted. And again. And again. And I had not vision of this ever ending, no concept for anything but this incredible dance. My world had become narrowed down to this sensation, the feel of my bruised flesh yeilding...
I could hear Sir talking to me, his voice wrapping around me and i became aware that I was sobbing.. Tears streamed my face. My first coherent thought was "Oh my gawd.. Am I drooling?"
As I came back into my head, Sir's hand stroking my back and face, I finally clued in to what he was saying. I don't remember the phrasing, but he had drawn blood.

With my inner voice screaming hysterically (I hate blood, no blood nooooooooooo) I calmly asked how bad it was. (points for me!). He had just smacked a welt, and it was merely a droplet. I had no idea what the dungeon protocol for this was, so we agreed he should find the DM and find out. And get a band-aid.

So there i was, DM and Sir peering at my ass while I died a thousand deaths of embarrassment, and I look up and straight into a set of friendly eyes, watching with interest. i know we spoke, but high as I still was, and as red faced as I surely was, I remember not a word, other than he was amused and I laughed as well. All while my Sir and a man I barely met are poking at my ass.

Sir wrapped me up, helped me up and half carried me to a chair. By the time he returned with a band-aid i was hyper as hell, bouncing and giddy.

Thank you Sir, for taking me to new places. For understanding how to give me what I need and never making me feel like a freak. For creating this safe, and yes damn you sacred place where I am free to be me.

Thank you to those in the crowd that unwittingly added to my scene, bwahaha. And of course, thanks to the DM.

PS. It is 8 days later and I have some lovely marks still. While I get that I can't be playing like that all the time, (sigh) this made my day!!

Why did I say that???

"You can pick whatever dungeon piece you want, I'm game" I offered foolishly. I am still unsure as to what, exactly I was thinking. Perhaps the near emptiness of the dungeon lulled me into feeling safe in such an offer... perhaps I was a bit high from all the excitement of the market and toga party... perhaps my trust in him has grown to a depth that allows for me to be ok with less dignified positions, less romantic public displays, challenges and blushes. perhaps I am just foolish...

"Those stocks look interesting," he grins at me. That grin.. Sir, you darn well know I love that grin of yours. I glanced nervously over at the piece in question (Side note... Bondage Jerry makes the most amazing stuff. If ever someone wants to gift me, that is what I want.. Equipment from Jerry... lmfao) and I swallowed nervously. It is set so that the victim faces the crowd (i prefer no one can see my face, duh. Look at my ass!! Not my face!!). It is also a very challenging position, I note. The feet are locked into the base and the body bends forward so that the neck is locked about waist high, and the hands support the weight, clenching a bar, with the wrists also pilloried. There is no real support for the waist. I try to imagine myself there and can't. So ...stuck...

I point out the piece to fyen who happily tells me that it is an evil piece, very challenging and that it has caused her some distress. I digest that, and am about to renege on my offer when my Sir gently touches my back to gather my attention.

"So? What will it be? That bench over there?" He smiles gently and my heart hurts a little. He knows, he knows... how hard it is for me to allow him to embarrass me. How easy it is for me to become embarrassed. That I prefer dignity and to be arranged attractively for public play. In the face of such respect, without a hint of disappointment (although I damn well could see how much the stock one appealed), I just can't disappoint-myself or Him.

"The stocks are fine." I blurt, beet red. I wander over there, wishing I had negotiated for a tender scene, rather than leaving it to him. (Yes, I oh so am allowed to ask for sweeter spankings, or harder ones, as I feel the need. My Sir feels pride that I trust him with my needs- he does not feel threatened by it, nor do we feel this is an issue in our power exchange. I don't always get my way, of course... but he always hears me out and respects my input). A part of me hopes he pushes me a bit, while the other part is already mortified at the idea of strangers watching me struggle.

He tenderly helps me out of my clothing and shoes, takes my hand and helps me onto the damned piece. My feet are secured (and of course I had to try to move them...) and then he smiles and tumbles me gently forward, securing my neck in the "collar" which triggers a very primitive response in me. I feel... owned. I feel so very naked.

He fusses with all the closures, getting my wrists locked in. As he moves behind me I feel that lovely tightening of muscles and I know I am wet, exposed and that I am fucked really.

The music is loud, I can hear people talking, and it is hard to relax.

Firm-Hand-Buddha moves to the toy bag, which I can't really see. I notice that I can't see much really. The feet of those in front of me, and my hands and my breasts... oh great. I moan a bit in nervousness and embarrassment, and shift my weight a bit.

Then it begins.

That incredible dance of sensation. Impact on skin, nerve ending jumping, the tightening of all those sexy places. I can't relax, as I have to hold myself up. His hand sooths my skin once in awhile, and sounds come out of my mouth without my consent.

I am flying so quickly though, every sensation amazing. Heat gathers, he picks up tempo and force, stopping once and again to sooth, and he checks in, makes me check in.

I am lost in space with each sting, each thud. My body sings, I want more.. more more more.
He works my body like a magician, my Sir does. Slow when needed, hard and fast when needed, until I am a mess of I can't, I want, stop, more, harder, can't, want. I no longer care that everyone can see me struggle. I no longer care that I am thrashing and crying. I am the sensation. I am the nerve endings, I am that wetness between my legs.

Then... I am rudely thrust into my skin as I hear an unfamiliar voice beside me.. "Not like that, try this" or some such. No one's fault, but it startled me enough that I am instantly no longer subbed out. Endorphins rush out of my body and I feel that nasty drop rushing up. 'No no...' I think to myself, 'I am experienced, I can work through this..' I struggle to find that peacefulness, that joy and I just cannot.

No longer flying the next swat just hurts and I signal my Sir, my very attentive Sir who immediately realizes something is up. I try to tell him that I need to be done. and I burst into heart wrenching tears. The woman inside me rolls her eyes, but I don't care. My Sir will fix this I know it!!
Firm-Hand-Buddha undoes me, gently lifting me into his arms and wraps me up. I catch my breath, trying to explain, end up giggling and crying all at once. His arms tighten as he holds me, snugging me in.

He tells me how good I did and I feel so safe. So very safe and good and wonderful. Afterwards we laugh a bit about it. These things happen, it is interesting really what can ruin the mood for your scene.

Thank you Sir, for the incredible flight and the safety net you have created for me.
Thank you Lupercalia for all the work that went into creating our event and the dungeon. Thank you Bondage Jerry for being so deviously creative and letting the dungeon be filled with your handy work.

Thank you Firm-Hand-Buddha. Thank you for hurting me in all the right ways. Thank you for helping me grow. Thank you for not laughing when I asked for a collar. Thank you for not saying "I told you so" or some such.

Thank you for your strength and acceptance.

How did I get here?

It is amazing, the surprises that life can throw at us.  The good ones, of course, are much easier than the tragic ones, yet both can bring us to a cross roads where there are so many choices, every choice leading a different direction (it seems) and soooo hard at times to really know what choice will take is in what direction...

Years ago, I was perhaps a pure spanko.  All I wanted and fantasized about were spankings and the rituals that some spankings can be delivered with.  Being sent to the corner.  Waiting for a punishment.  The lecture... These things filled my head, made my soul tingle.  The spanking itself was almost secondary to the romance of it.

Then... I realized that knowing the only way to get a spanking was to be 'bad' was not beneficial to me.  I craved the spankings and the rituals so much that I was tempted to make bad choices in a way I would not have been otherwise. (To be clear, punishment has not been in my experience really, nor lectures, nor corner time.. sigh...)

Then I found the community.  Learned about so many other things and heard about endorphins, power exchange, reasons WHY spankings feel so damned good.

I got flogged.  I braved the cane.  I had to learn so much, accept so much.  I had to give up on needing everything to be perfectly labeled.  I had to learn to communicate my needs, to clearly set boundaries.

I learned that I am valued by those I play with.
I learned to weep.
I learned that i deserve to be spoiled.
I learned to have hope.
I learned that expectations are often a way to discover heartbreak.  That one day at a time is not necessarily a bad thing (aside from financial planning)

It has been a long road of discovery.  Some lessons were delicious (oh my good gracious.. subspace... oooh my)  Some were difficult. I learned that perhaps I actually like pain.  That I oh so do enjoy feeling helpless.  That the struggle to submit is amazing.  The amazing feeling when I can give up that unneeded pride and just ... submit.. wow.  I had to be OK with these new ideas.
Now.. hear I am.  So much has changed.  Yet somethings have not.  I top now, on occasion.  I have a lovely bunny girl that lets me tie her up and be mean to her, she is amazing.  I 'run' a group here in redneck land for kinksters like me.  I help them learn to do safely, I hope I am teaching them to be part of a community for each other and they teach me to not pigeon hole things or people.

But..

I am still a spanko at heart.  Being over a knee.  Being bossed.  Wondering if he is truly annoyed or mind fucking me... oh my.

This girl's heart still beats to a rhythm that sounds suspiciously like hand swatting an ass.. Just saying..

Part 1 Shadowlane Spanking Party in Vegas, 2012

was still awake at 1 am, the early morning of the first of September, trembling with excitement over the upcoming trip to Las Vegas... It reminded me of Christmas Eve when I was a very young girl... As I lay there trembling, trying so desperately to sleep but way beyond too excited...

My Dom, Mr.Nab, had already dished out a PreVegasSettleTheFuckDownMiss sort of spanking, which did nothing to lower my giddy glee and anticipation of the fun to come.  I have no idea how long I lay there beside him, hoping and hoping to get to sleep, but when that damn alarm went off at 430 am I was certainly feeling it.

We hustled through our morning must do's, dressing and loading the truck wtih my two bags (plus carry on, plus purse.. What can I say) and his one medium bag.. I left a thank you note for RK&f, twisted my hair into a clip and we stumbled out the door. 

I had chosen to dress in a long skirt and tak top, with a lacey sweater... which I knew would be fine once we hit vancouver ,but in Edmonton is was freaking cold.  I shivered miserably in truck as we made the 45 minute drive to the airport.

Mr. Nab expertly navigated the nearly deserted city, and we arrived at the airport with plenty of time.  Still shivering like a nudist in a snowstorm I straggled alongside my Sir. As we entered the airport, I dug out our passports and our flight confirmation number and we attempted to check in at the computer checking station... The lovely machine promptly spat out my boarding pass, but the screen displayed this ominous message, "Mr. Nab's boarding pass cannot be processed here.  Please check in at the counter".

We entered the long line, which to be fair we had to do to check out bags anyways.  While we waited I asked, sweetly, if there was anything I should know.  Mr. Nab gave me his 'not amused' look, which of course had me much cheered. At the counter the attendant professionally checked our bags and provided us with a boarding pass for Mr. Nab.  I asked if there was an issue, and she calmly shared that while there was no issue, Mr. Nab was the proud winner of an enhanced pat down-ie: he had been randomly selected to go through enhanced measures at the international airport in Vancouver. 
I tossed Sir a gleeful grin, opened my mouth and he said, "don't."  Anyone that knows me also knows that telling me 'no' or 'don't' is not much of a deterrant... Needless to say I was giggling like a maniac..

We headed to the security checkpoint, me teasing Sir the entire way... "Not even there  yet and you are getting some action!" I chortled.  Mr. Nab, to his credit, is incredibly laid back and took my ribbing and the situation with a calm that I envy to no end. I am not sure if I am just that bratty, If my humor is that skewed or if I was just beyond tired and giddy, but the calmer Sir was, the harder I giggled.

It certainly did not help matters that when the TSA fellow scanned Sir's boarding pass he ALSO gave Sir a huge shit eating grin, and said, "Uh, you know you were randomly selected..?" Keep in mind that Sir is a Six foot tall very pale bald guy-he stands out. And the agent was this 5'9" (ish) wiry built, dark hair, dark skinned gentleman.  So it was quite ironic, which tickled me to no end.

So there we were, Sir, my giggling self and the grinning TSA fellow.  Although Sir gave the gent a wry smile and nod, he was less amicable in regards to my mirth. He marked me to the first set of tables at the screening area, bent my protesting and giggling self over the table and delivered a resounding volley of.....



Ok... that didn't happen... I mean, no spanking-the giggling did happen..

Regardless we managed to board our plane and arrived in Vancouver without any further fuss.  We immediately headed to customs, where the border agent was humorous and entertaining as he stamped our passports.  then we entered the security area for international travel, which had me giggling again.  The actual pat down took perhaps ten seconds, it was nothing really, but it oh so amused the hell out of me.

The rest of our flight was peaceful, I am sure I slept a little.  Watching that last stretch of scenery I was again terribly excited!! Almost there!!

Unfortunately, our misadventures had only begun.  We landed without a problem, but while all my luggage arrived without an issue, Sir's bag did not.  There was however, a bag on the carasoul that was the same bag, except a different colour. We reported to the Agent, and they admitted they did not knmow if the bag had been flagged.  We left our information, and headed to the hotel.

We had been on the 'road' for 13 hours at this point., and Sir was not impressed with the idea of having to show up at the Shadowlane dinner in the clothing he had travelled in. So we checked into the hotel and walked to a 'nearby' set of shops. 

I was wearing sandals, and by the time we arrived at the shops my foot had a HUGE blister... so I did what any girl would do! I browsed shoes. Sir was not able to find anything that impressed him clothing wise and we returned to the hotel.

Where I unpacked a little, changed (and got well and truly spanked) and we headed to the dinner. 

Here is me in my corset, in Vegas

Life Lessons and Self Fulfillment

So.. Things with Mr. NAB (Not A Boyfriend) have been clicking along.

If you missed the fetrant, it is helpful to understand that as I was getting ready to go meet Mr. NAB, who was supposed to be a potential friend with benefits such as regular spanking dates for yours truly... A completely NSA arrangement, casual as all heck. 

Anyone that knows me is aware that I am not exactly all expert at casual.  Not me.. I fall in love, get married, spend a decade finding out that love is not enough, get divorced fall in love... you see? So after two failed marraiges I am a weeee bit relationship shy.. weeee as in the word boyfriend has me feeling a bit naseous, my heart pounding while I scan teh area for an escape route.. But I am needy and a glutton.  I NEEED regular (at least once a week!!) spanking time.  I need that subspace/flying or whatever.  I need spoiling (of the attention sort not money thanks).  I am kinda high maintenance. 
So I figured, I could do both! Just find a playmate with the time and energy to keep up with me, but no vanilla time.
Right?

Apparantly not.  A couple coffee in and my NonDate turned into my NonDominant and I found myself easily falling into submission., 

So ... We agreed that we'd just kinda go with it. No, I do not konw what that means really, but I know what it feels like...

It has been the most relaxing and yet most intense learning I have ever undergone.  And considering he has no idea what he is doing... (no experience with the 'rule book' style BDSM.. he just does what 'works'  and yes.. yes.. it works.)  ... well, color me overwhelmed. 

The Lessons Sir has taught me..

I have learned that I am not just sexually submissive, but in certain circumstances I am pretty damned 24/7 submissive --But only to my dominant... which brings us to the next lesson...

I have learned that in submitting myself to his will, I am not weaker, or less capable but Stronger and More capable. 

I have learned that facing scary things and working past that fear is incredibly empowering. 

I have learned, repeatedly, that one can not die from embarrassment, that shame is not an option being offered, and blushing is not a safeword.

I have learned that the world does not end if I am called a four letter word with all the reverence others might be called pet names.

I have learned that I gain more in submission than I do in questioning, doubts, worries, apprehension, uncertainty, hesitancy, guilt and shame.

I have learned that resistance without cause has no place in my life.  That resistance should have meaning-even if that meaning is to be playful.  That resistance with meaning is always rewarded but submission with blind trust is cherished.

I have learned that teasing is not always malice based.

I have learned that I am immature in many ways, childish in some ways and overly responsible in others.

I have learned that I am a valuable person, who, although bruised from other relationships, DOES have something to offer.  That even my gluttony can be a gift.

I have learned that this gift of learning, in the guise of a pinch to sensitive skin, a swat to tougher skin, teeth sinking into the meat of my shoulder, a hand on my neck not squeezing but there regardless, that these things are tools of fulfillment.  that each lesson fills me, leaving me sated, tired and renewed all at once.

Love the journey... just do

AND.. No jealousy?  No suspicion? No having to hide my past??
wow

Forgiveness

Dear T ,
I realize that you are not likely to ever 'allow' me to say this to you, really.. but...
I forgive you.
I forgive you for everything, every last tear, every denial, every pointed finger.  I really and truly hope you find a way to learn, grow and love.  Know that I do forgive you, and that although I no longer am willing to go back to our marriage, my heart still holds caring for you-be well.

Open Letter to The Creepy Dom

Dear GG aka Creepy Dom from Alt,
I just want to go on the record as pointing out to you that I was VERY honest in our fist communication, in which I clearly stated that I was not interested in a 'romantic' relationship as I felt I "still have much growing and healing to do before I can bring to a relationship a healthy me".  When you insisted that I must understand that I NEED a man (you) I got cranky with you, and you finally admitted that you 'understood' my pov. 
As days went on, every time you would slip into the lovey dovey side of things I would remind you that I am not going there.  I stayed honest.
Then, oh creepy one, you decided to nag me on Yahoo Messenger to web cam with you.  When I declined you typed... (Cut and paste sirrah, so don't bother arguing) And let us keep in mind that previous to this our conversations had been quite chaste, really.  No cyber sexerdoodling (why? cuz I don't do that silly stuff!)..

Missed Video call with (1SirCreep
SirCreep :go make yourself decent for me
SirCreep let's just use the cam here so much easier10:18:51 PM
Mel: no you willno-
Missed Video call with SirCreep (10:18:33 PM)Missed Video call with SirCreep (10:19:01 PM)10:19:28 PM SirCreep huh10:19:32 PM
Me: no!10:19:52 PM
SirCreep: you don't think you look good ehI  i am always confident of myself10:20:18 PM
Me: You know... no is no! 10:20:20 PM
SirCreep : never have image issues10:20:34 PM
Me: It is not image issues10:20:37 PM
SirCreep: yes it  is10:20:46 PM
SirCreep you don't think you look good enough10:20:49 PM
Me: I am not obligated to webcam mister10:21:02 PM Me : bah10:21:05 PM
SirCreephow long will it take you to get yourself ready10:23:38 PM
Me: I am not going to10:24:05 PM
SirCreep: yes you are, you will do as you are told brat10:24:07 PM
SirCreep: do as you are told10:24:41 PM
Me:: I may be submissive, but that does not mean I am submissive to the planet!!10:25:31 PM
SirCreep : no but to me you are10:25:40 PM
Me: How do you figure?10:25:50 PM Me : *she waits, curious to hear this*10:26:05 PM
SirCreep: you want a man like me, and you know what it takesI to be with one so get yourself in line10:26:42 PM
Me: hmm... you seem to be missing the part where bonding happens, trust is built, agreements are made10:26:54 PM
SirCreep: i am a natural dom i take the woman i want it is that simple
Missed Video call with SirCreep (10:48:50 PM)10:49:16 PM
me: you know I am NOT accepting10:49:20 PM
SirCreep : i know, you need to be trained10:49:29 PM
me: I don't like that word!10:49:35 PM
SirCreep : yes you do  you need it10:49:42 PM
me: ...10:49:56 PM
SirCreep : contact me when you are going to be compliant10:50:10 PM
me: you would miss my sense of self10:50:13 PM
SirCreep : goodbye10:50:16 PM

Now, Sir Creepy, I get that you were having a rough night, having seen your late wife's family for the first time since the funeral...I assume you were drinking.. I let it go.  You apologized, sorta.. And I accepted, sorta.  But I was more careful.
Then Sir,Creepy, you proceeded to continue with the bullying tactics.  I live in a shit hole, I am broken and you can fix me, I have never had 'real' sex, I have never met a 'real' dominant, I am just suffering with body image issues, I am never going to amount to anything without You, hell you even argued with me over where my Gspot is located.. Really Sir? Having never met me, and not having one of your own, you feel the need to teach this lady how to orgasm?
I again and again pointed out to you that your tactics are mean, underhanded and disrespectful.  I told you to get lost.  You then started leaving me messages on Alt, on Yahoo, and when I deleted my alt profile you had a tantrum about me blocking you.  When I blocked you on yahoo you got a new email address. 
Just so you could tell me that you have a new lady who is not fat, unlike me.  That she has class, not like me.  That all I have is this little town filled with beer gut oilfield guys. 
Well thank you, for making sure I was VERY happy with my call to run like hell from you.  Nice class act you got going there.
You Sir are a creepy Dom. 
Sincerely

Canes and Shock

Sorta Real, Sorta took some creative licence, different style of writing...

He stood, took me by the wrist and headed to the kitchen with me in tow...he reached my queen anne chair, pulled that out with one hand, sat down and drew my unresisting body over his knee...snugged me in and said, "mmm..nice view" (skirt was way short) which made me blush.
He swatted me for a bit..skirt sorta covering my butt...got bored of that after about ten minutes (me purring the whole time lol) so he drew my skirt up and stepped up the intensity..
He its a talker so the whole time he is"you have such an amazing ass...its that getting a little sensitive? No? Are you laughing you brat? hmm not laughing now...oh you are so wet ..what kind of naughty girl gets wet from getting a spanking?"
Just when I am starting to breath into every sting he yards be back to reality by winding his hands in my hair  and lifting me til I am making eye contract and said..."do you know what wet...naughty...girls get??"  And he grabbed his new strap...showed it to me....then scooped me in one motion (gasp from me..that startled eep sound that only girls make...) And carries me to the bed
Puts me on my knees feet towards him..lifts my hips and shoves me forward at the shoulders...which leaves me ass up, skin pulled tight cuz of position..hands splayed forward..so exposed..the whole time commenting on how incredibly accessible I am in this position, telling me how he can see by how wet I am that I am oh do not taking this seriously...petting my very warm butt, letting his hands just barely brush over yummy places, repositioning a little and then a rather holy shit swat with that strap..waits for me to breath..to move my hips that wee bit and again..each time waiting for my exhale before landing another slightly harder slightly lower...until I am hyper ventilating a little struggling to breathe it through..making mewly noises...then he stops..soothing his hands over my butt and back..telling me how good I have been..his sexy...petting and soothing..then starts again..bit more sexy petting..some fingers..some biting on my overly sensitive cheeks
And again sooth and repeat until  I am an orgasm mess, my ass a glowing red, my body limp and submissive, being cuddled and soothed.
So I am laying there, scratches down my arms (I scratch myself, the sheets, legs, you, whatever is handy... to the point where I keep my nails VERY short because of it).. I come back to myself, and giggle, hearing my panting/whimpering noise I didn't know I was even making... awareness comes back in stages when you hit 'subspace' (google it) As I can focus a little I toss a smile at my friend, who takes that as "I am all good! Keep Going!" (which it was). He tosses a couple of pillows to the middle of the bed, talking to 'himself'
"Hmmm... Will those lift your little hips high enough do you think?  perhaps another.... need a Verrrrryyyy goood view"... He plumps the pillows then slaps a freaking cane down on the bed right in front of my face.
Now.. this is where having a playmate that 'gets you' is oh so much fun.
I have a very love/hate relationship with canes.
There is that yummy tingling aprehension combined with anticipation...
Unlike spanking, though.. canes hurt. Not broken bones hurting, but still...
So just seeing it, hearing the sound it made going through the air and as it hits the bed, has me shook... Internal thoughts going in circles, do I trust him? Do I want to do this? oh I want to.. I am excited, my heart is pounding so hard, I can feel that tingle blush spread up my body (sigh, nice that I can't hide that feeling either... Someone is mean and calls it my girl version of a hardon... *sniff*) but I am scared too, or perhaps apprehensive is a better word. my skin dews up (nervous, who me?) and I can picture how UNDIGNIFIED this is going to be.. a Girl does not make only nice movements and sounds for a cane.  This girl HATES being undignified...
I am so busy with my thoughts that I hadn't realized HE was talking to ME, until a hand snugs in the back of my hair, lifting me until I am upright, kneeling on the bed and stretched up and back slightly so he can make some rather serious eye contact. 
"Do I have your attention now, little one?" he asks, with that smirk that guys get that is SO ANNOYING.. but I swallow that (don't lip of men with sticks, right?) and purr, "oh yes you have my attention Sir, you do!!" and I smile and blink, getting a throaty chuckle and a tightening of his grip on my hair which of course gets a small whimpery gasp sound.."Then you need to do what I asked, do you not?" He says in that low voice that means he is going to 'play the game'
See.. .I have learned something about sexually dominant men.  There is a game they play called, "you can't win little girl, it is not fair, it is not supposed to be fair-that is the point"
The point is to hammer in that helpless feeling, to really get the gal's brain understanding that she is oh so not in charge right now.  It is a fun game, lol. But I struggle with that childish need to say, in my best whiny voice, "nooooooo So VERY not FAIR!!!!!!"
But Play the Game I do so I answer, "I am very sorry sirrah, but I have no clue what you asked me, I was still blissed out from your attentions." (ha, i think to myself, make THAT my fault)
"Did I ASK you for your excuse, little one?"
(grrr... not fair not fair)  "ummm.. no sir you did not."
"Then you need to do what I asked"
(hmm... should I guess? or sass?)  "uh.. yessir.. I hear you" which has him releasing my hair so suddenly that I fall forward, in a very ungraceful heap on the bed and I HATE that and he knows it dammit... I gather my dignity, feeling that delightful mix of anticipation verses nervousness and decide sass is more fun.  So I stand up stretch a little and head towards the the kitchen for water.
"guess again Angel" he smirks at me...
"umm.. bathroom break?" i suggest, just to stall for time
"not a chance sweetheart." he is openly chuckling now, the rat...
"ummmmmm...."  I eye the bed and its evil pillows... no way no how am I putting myself there, just saying.. and  I cast my eyes about looking for any stalling technique...
"I can see you have no intention of complying, so that means this goes from a 'fun' experiment to a more 'traditional' event... " He sighs in mock disappointment and I am not sure if I should say "yippee!!' or beg mercy...
"Get over those pillows, Angel." No joking now at all... and I try to make myself do it.  I even manage to walk over there, my knees barely holding me up.. And I shoot him a glance.hoping he will just let me have my favored position- hell any position but not this one.
(to be clear, I am sure it is a lovely view for a boy... But it is a very very exposed view, as he insists that the upper hips are FORWARD over the pillows, which stretches teh skin very tight (makes it harder to be ok with the impact, too btw) and gives a view of all private bits.. I don't like it!!)
I can't make myself do it.  I am frustrated with myself (just doooo itttt submit, you can do it) but I am mortified and my body doesn't respond to my internal dialogue. 
He knows me well enough, I guess, cuz he just smiles at me and waits it out.  When I glance at him beseechingly I see that he is being patient, but yet there is no room for compromise in his visage either.
Yet.. I just can't do it. So I stand there.
He grabs a water, sits down across from the bed on the bench and sighs.  The sound of that sigh wounds me, as I value my ability to give that control over, and I know I am frustrating him that I still balk at anything I precieve as lacking grace, being so.. undignified...  I argue with myself, remding myself that i will be horribly dissapointed if we end things like this, that I DO trust him, that I LOVE the spanking, And I am shaking and as red as a girl gets in motirification... But I drag myself over.
In true mind play fashion, he had to rearrange me a bit, making sure to really point out just how 'lovely ' it is to see an 'upturned and so very exposed backside positioned for so very many wonderful things" (sigh)... Then of course he has to talk non stop, about how he figures we should test some limits, seeings how he has not seemed to have 'made much of an impression' last time we played (no marks hahahaha..)

I argued a bit, but was already getting all subby (breathless, feeling helpless..)
I hear the swishy noise of the cane and tense with a whimper and he chuckles, which brings me out of it a bit.... and I start to breathe, relax muscles one at a time, letting my mind just go...
He started with little wrist flicks, which leaves a girl sting, but nothing worth kicking feet over, just prepping the nerves and just as I start to relax, thinking, I oh so can do this he lands a perfect line right in the middle.. And I am thinking... oooh that didn't hurt at all!! And I let out my held breath just as the sensory data hits my brain which of course makes me do a strange hissing squeaky noise. 

Smart man, he waits.. lets me breath through it... then back to the tap tap tap then harder tap tap tap then harder yet TAP TAP TAP and I am wiggling and struggling to bring my bound hands back, strugling as the next line lands barely below the other..

And so it continues, until I am crying silent tears, wet to the knees, and so very very close to using my safeword...
And I find myself curled up against a strong chest, hair being smoothed, temple being kissed, lovely things being murmured about how awesome I am, how proud he is that I was able to conquer it, how exquistely gorgeous that was, you know.. pillow talk, lol  Warpped in his arms still he turns me a bit, one hand checking to make sure no skin broken, tumbles us back in the bed, and snuggles me into his side, lots of cuddling and crooning. 

Then.. after I am calm, giggling and talking, he asks me if I ahve "had enough" for now.  I laugh. Give him wide eyes.. and say, "of course not! but not sure my ass will agree with me." He nudges me over to check again on skin and says... 'mmm .. nope you are done for today.. likely for a couple weeks" I laughed... all teh way up to seeing the bruises the next day... I guess he is laughing now..
*pout*
*addenendum Although this story has been oh so changed from real to what you read here, The caning did happen, the bruises are there and this glutton, less than a week later is already starting to gear up for another spanking...Exam stress, who me?

Princess Spanking Weekend omfg...

This is going to be a long post, lol...
So I returned yesterday from my journey and adventure to the grand city of E.  And it truly was an adventure...in so many ways.:)

I have never taken a road trip before, in which I am the driver.  This of course, did not really occur to me until I was nearly to the city of GP and realized that I had done it!! ALL by MYSELF!! I imagine that not many people will get just what a victory that is, but  it really was.  Hurrah for big girl panties. 
The drive was lovely.  The sun was shining for the most part, I saw a mommy moose and her overly large offspring near DC, another large moose by GP and a couple of lovley scenic views. My MP3 player was blasting, I was singing and had the cruise set for under the speed limit. I saw many officers pulling people over and was grateful that I am a cowardly driver.  I had no troubles following the directions and navigated my way quite nicely.

I was burning gas though, which of course annoys me greatly, but still... small potatoes, right?  I made the stops I had arranged, and headed to my weekend of fun.
I nearly made my destination when my lovely vehichle chose to no longer have a working transmission. Thank fully I had stopped for the restroom and was not driving when the transmission chose to no longer be intact. I am not sure if anyone knew this, but a vehicle does not drive well without one. 

Just saying.

It made awful metal on metal grinding noises, lurched but did not move. I sat and weighed my options, wondering what to do, exactly.  Fairly certain that popping the hood in my thigh high stockings and short skirt was not the best idea, and being that it was late thursday of the easter long weekend, I sighed sadly in defeat...  I had to call the gentleman I was meeting to come and get me.

What a way to meet a lady, no?  "Hello! I am a complete and utter nitwit who can't even get to your house... how hot am I now?"  (sigh). I sat at that station long enough to earn some highly curious looks from the folk that were there, as I tried to will my car to fix itself.  I am not sure if this is an 'angelism' but I am quite terrible at being helpless. I did suck it up and text my new playmate for help.

Thankfully the gentleman in question (I am going to call him Sir OCD until he gives me a play name to use, because us princesses are bratty like that! :)... ) anyways, Sir OCD was very gentlemanly and thus did not laugh (too much) nor hold my woes against me, but navigated the broken car into a stall, gathered me and my many bags and chafeured me to his lovely home with an amazing smile, gentle hand up into the truck and warm hug.

If anyone knows this man, let him know that this alone is worth many points... truly appreciate it.

I will not kiss and tell tooooo much (because that is of course quite rude) However....Some things are just too magical to not share.

What an amazing weekend!! After being worried about going (so out of my comfort zone, really) and being reassured that this could be done safely, I found myself loving every princess moment of the weekend. (aside from teh transmission)

Sir OCD graciously had me in his home for a few days, chilavrously made all the arrangements for my vehicle, was able to keep my mind off of it for the majority of our time together, which speaks for itself really. Consider too, how focused I can get on things... So Kudos Sir OCD well played.   He drove me back and forth to RK's with nary a complaint. Not by word, gesture or even expression. Not once made me feel as if I was intruding. 

With an engaging smile, dinners were cooked for me (as I write this I am eating chili from a can and wondering if he rents out as a chef... good grief, I have NEVER eaten so well and yet so healthily at the same time.... I want to learn to cook like that...)  I was complimented, cuddled, petted, kissed and coddled till I was completely princessed out. Not once was I asked to clean anything or even in a position to open a door for myself.  I was allowed to bask in the attention, purr for the petting and kissing, with not one negative comment.  NOT ONE!!! I struggled a bit (Stop laughing my red headed gal pal... I mean it) with it-not used to being coddled lol.

I thought I had experienced being a princess, but I now know I had no idea.  Simply none.  Don't get me wrong!! I have all kinds of good memories to go with the not so good ones of past relationships... but my weekend at Sir OCDs certainly redefined what being spoiled and adored feels like. This spoiling healed some hurts I hadn't realized I was still carrying. 

I have never eaten so well, been treated so sweetly, kissed so gently and spanked so firmly.... I was giggling, blushing, astonished and bowled over...All that and a lavishment of attention, amazing conversation, a down duvet (omg I oh so want that... ) waking up to sunshine on my face... It was like going to a spa where a hottie is giving out amazing spankings... Realy ladies, I oh so reccomend you try it...

Even the spanking, which you all know is my favorite passtime, was completely out of my realm of experience.  Every excuse to take me over his knee was delivered with the most amazingly open grin, an oh so heart achingly gentle hand guiding me over his knee, the gentle firmness of that hand at my hip, offering the threat of restraint if needed... each swat with purpose, but not even the tiniest bit of force used that was more than needed... the strength contrasted with such tender care to be lifted so carefully, cuddled in and petted.. I nearly fainted...Of course, those deceptively calm swats intensified as time went by, both as we became more comfortable and as my poor backside became more sensitive... His hands just seeming to know how to and where to swat to maximize the time or reaction-depending on what he was looking for... oh my. 

Yet after three days of spankings, many of which had me kicking my feet and struggling to get a hand free, (anyone that thinks this isn't surprising can ask RK... really.. I am not a struggler)... barely a mark.... Wow, hey?  I have a new hated spanking implement, which is a plastic bath brush... Sir OCD, that really needs to go... truly... what a mean thing...I liked it on a fresh backside.. but not after the fourth or fifth spanking...*pout* If you decide you want to get together again, I am oh so bringing you a gift..  Perhaps a Furry Paddle? *laugh*

And to be stepping out of the shower and have Sir OCD appear and lovingly place my still wet self over his knee, with his foot resting on the side of the tub for a good morning, wet bottom spanking was beyond amazing... One of those always fantasized about silly things that just was perfect in real life... wow.  Seriously!!! Wet bottom not quite out of the tub spaknings!!! I kid you not!!!! For no reason!!
To be kissed so sweetly as I am told what a brat I am, kissed so sweetly after a spanking, kissed so sweetly and thanked for any smallest effort.. oh my.  And don't mistake me, sweet does not mean the opposite of yummy... just that I have no words for that kissing style.. none...Sweet is the closest I can come up with... utterly tender? Kisses that left me breathless, knees weak and eyes in teh back of my head.   And I am not a kissy girl!!! Or I guess I wasn't? I mean, I like to kiss, but holy shit... LMFAO.. wow.

Hands stroking my tush, my legs, my back, my hair, my belly, my arms... sweet goddess... The contrast of tender and firm nearly undid me a few times...ok.. I admit it.. nearly is just a way to pretend I am not blushing beet red at the mere memory.. Just... oh ... so ... yummy...

Aside from a short break in which I visited some lovely friends, From my arrival thrusday till I left sunday morning Sir OCD lavished attention on me, spoiled me and spanked me until I was a puddle of dreamy eyed princess wonder. How amazing is that?

"But at the end of the day" (grin, do I get trouble now?) I was glowing with the attention, Postiviely giddy, glowing and relaxed.   I was sleeping like a log (and we will pretend that I do NOT snore thank you) and waking up with a bright smile.  More important, though (and this is oh so funny) is that I learned that I DO have it in me to adore being treated as if I am adored.  That there are men who cherish, give of themselves freely.

I have hope.. hope that there is a future for me that includes romance, love, flowers, spoiling, spankings, amazing fun and good conversation.  I really hadn't thought such things could go hand in hand... I mean... romance and spoiling AND rules and spanking?? really????
Sweetness and firmness?
Openness but with limits?
 I am spoiled quite beyond recognition, truly and my eyes have been opened up to just how.... bitter I was letting myself get.  Which is ok, I earned that bitterness I think...but I can let that go now... and work on moving forward instead of having all these regrets and hurts, cynicisms and being so self reliant that I don't allow anyone in... and therefore cut myself off from living a full life...

Now I just need to work on meeting some of my own goals... of getting RK&f paid back for the rescue and making sure that I am striving towards being a very whole and healthy person who is able to bring more than a willing bottom and naive grin.  And I oh so will...Knowing that the tenderhearted part of me is NOT broken is priceless..
Not what was negotiated for, so that part is an incredible gift that was so unexpected.
So thanks Sir... for letting me experience such amazingly delicious tenderness, such incredible spankings all from your very wonderful self... I fell in love a wee bit, like I said, and for that I thank you too! You made this princess believe in romance, and that is one hell of a gift.
xxx

Kink... Just another pigeon hole?

Isn't it interesting that in a group that exists to allow acceptance of those who are considered "outside the box" due to their sexuality, that one is immediately asked to find a box to fit in as per the mainstream groups found here?
I had to giggle over the choices when making my profile. Even in our fetishes, we are categorizing, classifying, grouping and generalizing. Are you a sub? bottom? male? TG? GQ? Master? Goddess? Protector? Princess? Do you like whips? whipcream? chocolate? Saran Wrap? (now I am hungry.. sigh)
I am horrible with terminology, as many who know me can certainly attest to !
I tend to get hung up on needing that term, that label or this category, defined, explained, examined, applied, tested and redefined. I tend to reject them out of hand, have people I trust and respect ask me to rethink it, and have to acknowledge, begrudgingly, that maybe.. MAYBE that label sort of fits.
Words can hurt! They have power! And labels not only lend to a definitive cast upon the person they are applied to, but they encourage limitations, they are confining, ambiguous. They contradict!
I oh so do not like ambiguity.
And yet, everyone of us defines ourselves with labels and terminology that may not have the same meaning to another. I am a bottom, certainly, if bottom means, "glutton to be spanked, teased, paddled, flogged, caned, etc". But it doesnt seem to mean that to anyone but me! i am a sub, i suppose, if by sub you mean "becomes submissive when with someone she trusts, in situations where she feels she safe and treasured, usually those situations are sensual or sexual in nature" Again though, that is my definition. I am a slave if you mean, "for a set period of negotiated time she gives teh right to another to make all decisions for her within her agreed upon and discusses limitations" (haha, but for me that period of time is likely less than a couple of hours.. just saying).
I am a top if you mean that I get pleasure from creating a scene for someone's enjoyment. I am a dominant if by dominant you mean that I like to get my way, I am sometimes bossy and capable of looking after myself and anything and anyone else I choose. I am a sadist if you mean that I can become sexually aroused by someone elses struggle to accept the overload of sensations that I can create. I am a masochist if you mean that what causes pain to many causes me intense sexual pleasure and well being.
But I tend to see those things more like a sliding scale. I do not see being a Top and a Bottom as oppositional, but rather different perspecitves of sensation play. I do not see Dominant and Submissive as opposites, but rather each is their own quality that we each posess some of. Johnny may be an 8 on a 1-10 scale of dominance, and be a 6 on a 1-10 scale of submissiveness. I think most of the BDSM labels are overgneralized, when they can be so situation specific, so partner specific and mood driven.
I don't want a pigeon hole! I certainly don't enjoy being told, "your profile lists you as a thisorthat but you just spoke like a thatorthis" so WHAT!?
I am a person, with varying moods, varying skills. Today I might crave being pinned over a knee, getting the hell spanked out of me until I am in tears and struggling like mad, and tomorrow I may crave the satisfaction of holding those floggers in my hand, watching the skin I am whacking pinken and swell so wonderfully. So what? Why must I enjoy only what someone else wants for me to enjoy? Why do we, us humans, feel that we need to match up with someone that enjoys sex the exact same way we do, rather than enjoy the diversity of each persons skill set, interests and quirks?
Still, all ranting and my own quirks against labels aside, This community is amazing. So many people with such a wide variety of interests, attitudes and so forth. How .. YUMMY
Enjoy..
~.o

Words have power

Words... Strange creatures they are, those words.
Such power.
They can make my heart skip, a flush creep along my skin, till I am tingling from head to toe with need...
They can leave me wet, gasping, blushing or trembling with anticipation.
Oh those words, the words that convey such hot, succulent meaning.
Those words that build such erotic, tantalizing and vivid pictures in my mind, oh yummmm.
I live for those words.
Powerful words of lust, joy, sensuality-words that wrap my thoughts in tangles of pleasure and trepidation, pleasure and pain, oh my.
You know what words can do, you boys. You use some words oh so well.
So why is it such a surprise to so many,
That if words have the power to make us wet, or horny, or filled with longing and need, that words can sting. They can wound. They can set us adrift, lost and alone.
Those words, that leave me hurting, raw, desolate. They are not needed, rarely used for good purpose but rather in anger, in hurt.
They can leave me in tears, my spirit bruised, my trust dented.
Such words as those, that convey such bitternes, such a lashing out. Do they serve your purpose as well?
I cry for those words.
Words have power. Will you use your power to create magic? To intrigue me, pull me to you, my skin starved for you my eyes lit up for you, a ball of aching need, wanton abandon, wicked delight and throaty laughter?
will you use them to create pain? To discourage me, push me from you, my sould wounded and my eyes filled with tears for you, shoulders bent in pain, lips trembling, chest heaving, my back as I leave, shuddering with the burden of those words?
Sigh... Words have such power.
powerful words.
Words are weapons, They have power.
If you are intelligent, you know

Do I look like 1-900-cyber-sex?

Dear Self Proclaimed Master/Dominant/Top/Studly/Penis,
In case you are wondering why you can't find me online anymore... I blocked you. Why? you ask? Oh do read on.
Yes, I label myself as a bottom and a submissive. Yes, I love to be spanked and I love the mental and physical magic of dominance/submission. Yes I actually do get spankings in real life and I have engaged in other kinky activities. Yes I enjoy a dominant personalities in my bedroom.
I do not, however, have a burning desire to sit at my computer and engage in cyber anything at your finger snap. No part of my being a bottom or a submissive includes dropping everything to obey some random male (you know who you are) who is NOT my dominant in order to provide him with FREE cyber sex services. There are millions of FREE webcams out there for the taking. I am not one of them. (And no, smart ass, I am not asking for you to pay... I am telling you NO... again and again and again)
Nor does my being a submissive mean that if you demand I do something I become instantly wet and HAVE to obey you. Sending me a photo of your crotch will not gain you any obedience prize either!
No I will NOT obey you. You want my respect? earn it. you want my compliance? First you need my respect and my consent. I am not obligated to give you any damned thing. I am not a public service, nor do I think aggression is attractive (outside a scene in which it was requested, negotiated, asked for etc).
"I guess you have body image issues, huh? Sorry to hear that" is not a pick up line and certainly won't goad me into being your webcam slut. No, you are not my Daddy, My Master, My Sir, my anything!
most annoyed,

Welcome to My Journey

Life is a journey!

It can be an adventure, or not, as we choose.  Adventure blossoms first in the mind, does not require any level of ability or fitness or health.  Adventure, residing within our minds as a possibility, is within our complete control as individuals.

For me, life is an opportunity to travel through self awareness, self discovery and self empowerment. While it can be extremely challenging to reach for self awareness, it is incredibly rewarding. I look forward to every step!

It is not about judgment, racism, sexism or negativity-not for me.  It is about accepting myself so that I can truly accept others, about understanding myself so I can truly connect with others.  It is looking at our amazing planet with eyes full of wonder, grateful for the chance to be here.
Yes... Some days my glass is half empty.  But those days are few, as out of pure stubborn defiance I refuse, REFUSE to not see my glass as half full, fillable-I just can't live in a state of negativity.  Yes, some adventures hurt, some live me breathless with the pain of it-but that is still feeling-it is still life.
I'm ALIVE! And I am going to take this adventure, get as much out of it as I can, then find new ways to discover new adventures.

How to get spanked in public?

So.. I recently got told that there is nothing a spoiled princess could possibly do to get spanked in public. 
So riddle me this...What would happen if you were in a public place with a spoiled princess that you HAVE paddled mercilessly before and:
you were in a coffee shop where no one knew you?
If you were reasonably sure that you wouldn't be harassed over it?
If the only bystander seemed like they would agree totally if you did?
If you overheard the people at the next table mention that you should?
If the waitress suggested it?
If Spoiled Princess stepped UP the bratting, dumped water on your lap and when you gave her crap (and you would) she stuck out her tongue and kicked you solidly in the shin?
If the coffee shop was actually loud, dark pub and the table was sitated where likely no one would even see? Or hear?
If you had warned her.. and warned her... and she just kept mocking your ability to do anything about it?
If the barkeep wandered by, slapped a wooden spoon on the table with a pointed look and walked away?
If she waited until you excused yourself for a moment and ate your meal?
Drank your beer?
Hid your keys?
Told the waitress that you are actually part of the Wild Rose Drag Troupe?
Told the bouncer that you are gay and think he is sexy?
If she handed you an xrated gift and smirked as you realized everyone was watching?
Told the waitress you aren't tough enough to handle her?
If she flirted outrageously with the waiter and when you told her to knock it off she sassed, "Make me!"
If she kept waiting till the waiter was at the table and put her Heeled foot in your lap... suggestively moving her foot and giggling, making no effort to be discreet even.
If she tossed herself over your knee and said, "HA!!! Dare you!!! nananananana!!!"
If she she promised to spend the next four hours as your complete slave if you did?
If she had a new sex toy that she said you could do ANYTING you want with if you did?
If she said no sex for you AT ALL if you don't?
If she asked nicely?
If she promised to do that thing you had asked her to do but she was to shy to do?
If you knew the rewards would be mindblowingly great?
If you just plain wanted to?
If your brother, a police officer, promised to field any complaints if you did?
Could any of those create a sitation in which you would spank her, right there?
Could any of those create a situation in which you yard her to the vehicle, telling the waitress you 'just need to take her in hand'?
Could any of those create a situation in which you might feel that there IS a WAY?

Just saying.. Never say Never
PS. I would NEVER do such things, Really!!

Sir RK and My Welcome Back Spanking

I just had to share, in true sassy fashion, a bit about my adventure at the Lupercalia on the second night.
As mentioned on my Lupercalia 2012 page, RK had already worn his energy down topping/doming two lovely young ladies before he grinned at me and beckoned me over.
I had been having a lovely time watching, and although he tried to get me nervous, I was way to confident, giddy and all too gleefullly eager. I scrambled over there, was quickly face down over the lovely bench (hello!! Santa?? I want one of those!!! wow!!!) and my wrists and ankles all secured, but barely.  Lots of wiggle room, but going nowhere-so very yummy.
Sir RK is a lovely Dom/Top, as he is very careful with warm up, patient, not sadistic but more about the experience.  Being in the dungeon was a bit intimidating, but the sounds actually had me half spacey before we did a darn thing.
It was FOREVER, of slightly faster, slightly harder, slightly stingier... I was all giggles and sighs of bliss until that damned cane was pulled out.  I am so scared of it!!
But... the whole point of the post is HAHAHAHA, This is the "can't tell you were there" photo from when I got up to the room:

*Speechless*

There is just something about waking up, stretching and feeling that swollen tightness bring every nerve alive in ones very, very red backside. To have the first coherent thought of the day be .... oh.....my.
To walk around, unable to really form a thought besides whimsical "yummy", "oooh" and "der", two coffess later, still smiling.  Wiggling that little bit in the chair and thinking wow...
It took me all morning... but my brain is functioning beyond merely stuttering with oooh, and I still am ... really... speechless.

First playdate, really.
And... Wow.

Anticipation

Anticipation... waiting, letting your mind go numb and tingle all at once, will it work? am I scared? Will I beg? Can I do this? Is he safe? How real will it be? Oh my... I can't wait... what if? Maybe I can....Do you think he'll???
Ah, sweet, hot, terrifying anticipation...Even if the reality pales beside imagination (doubt it, just sayin), even if it is silly and giggly and oh so not intense and rather is huge piles of fun, even if it is serious and intense and overwhelming and leaves me a bit lost, even if it is as muggle as a spanking gets, it is all made worth it by that anticipation phase.
The wait.  The nervousness.  The sexiness of open and free flowing communication.  The erotic thoughts, the tingles.. 
Anticipation.. I think that alone is addictive.