So.. Things with Mr. NAB (Not A Boyfriend) have been clicking along.
If
you missed the fetrant, it is helpful to understand that as I was
getting ready to go meet Mr. NAB, who was supposed to be a potential
friend with benefits such as regular spanking dates for yours truly... A
completely NSA arrangement, casual as all heck.
Anyone that
knows me is aware that I am not exactly all expert at casual. Not me.. I
fall in love, get married, spend a decade finding out that love is not
enough, get divorced fall in love... you see? So after two failed
marraiges I am a weeee bit relationship shy.. weeee as in the word
boyfriend has me feeling a bit naseous, my heart pounding while I scan
teh area for an escape route.. But I am needy and a glutton. I NEEED
regular (at least once a week!!) spanking time. I need that
subspace/flying or whatever. I need spoiling (of the attention sort not
money thanks). I am kinda high maintenance.
So I figured, I could do both! Just find a playmate with the time and energy to keep up with me, but no vanilla time.
Right?
Apparantly
not. A couple coffee in and my NonDate turned into my NonDominant and I
found myself easily falling into submission.,
So ... We agreed that we'd just kinda go with it. No, I do not konw what that means really, but I know what it feels like...
It
has been the most relaxing and yet most intense learning I have ever
undergone. And considering he has no idea what he is doing... (no
experience with the 'rule book' style BDSM.. he just does what 'works'
and yes.. yes.. it works.) ... well, color me overwhelmed.
The Lessons Sir has taught me..
I
have learned that I am not just sexually submissive, but in certain
circumstances I am pretty damned 24/7 submissive --But only to my
dominant... which brings us to the next lesson...
I have learned that in submitting myself to his will, I am not weaker, or less capable but Stronger and More capable.
I have learned that facing scary things and working past that fear is incredibly empowering.
I
have learned, repeatedly, that one can not die from embarrassment, that
shame is not an option being offered, and blushing is not a safeword.
I
have learned that the world does not end if I am called a four letter
word with all the reverence others might be called pet names.
I
have learned that I gain more in submission than I do in questioning,
doubts, worries, apprehension, uncertainty, hesitancy, guilt and shame.
I
have learned that resistance without cause has no place in my life.
That resistance should have meaning-even if that meaning is to be
playful. That resistance with meaning is always rewarded but submission
with blind trust is cherished.
I have learned that teasing is not always malice based.
I have learned that I am immature in many ways, childish in some ways and overly responsible in others.
I
have learned that I am a valuable person, who, although bruised from
other relationships, DOES have something to offer. That even my
gluttony can be a gift.
I have learned that this gift of learning,
in the guise of a pinch to sensitive skin, a swat to tougher skin,
teeth sinking into the meat of my shoulder, a hand on my neck not
squeezing but there regardless, that these things are tools of
fulfillment. that each lesson fills me, leaving me sated, tired and
renewed all at once.
Love the journey... just do
AND.. No jealousy? No suspicion? No having to hide my past??
wow
