Ropegasm 2012

Kudos to the Ropegasm organizers for a fucktabulous event!! I love Edmonton kink events as a rule, but this one is one of the top events I have ever attended.

The classes were small enough for incredibly intense hand on learning, large enough to be entertaining. It was difficult to choose from the classes being offered. All the presenters were amazing!! I can now tie one and two column ties with my eyes closed, add new rope with my eyes closed, wrap up my rope several different ways, tie several different harnesses for suspension (including myself) and various other ties that I have used forever are now improved and practiced.
Rope theory!! How to care for the rope, how to understand how tension works when doing floor work, how to test a tie for suspension, how to paritally suspend, how to do inversions (not that I intend to just jump to that...)

By the last couple of classes the instructor was refuting my claim as a beginner :) (happy face)
I had the joy of practicing my rigging skills on a few different victims, two lovely ladies and my kind Sir who allowed me to practice on him in class and out, with a tolerant yet wry smile and promises of my suffering a little in exchange for his generous service as my rope dummy (his term, not mine).
I did my first suspension, suspended my own self as well, and did a fun improvisational floor tie on a sexy lady. (Sweetie, you made my night, just saying...)

I was too shy to approach people myself, but still managed to say a few words here and there. (Thank you to @WoodenTiger69 for letting me use your ring for self suspension class with Lotus Lily, that was very generous of you. And if anyone knows the lady I shared a suspension point with, thanks to you as well, for the kind words and camaraderie.)

I am saving my pennies for one of those portable suspension points from sirentiybound... Thanks to Ben for all the time and explanations as to how it works.

Here is the rope kit I purchased while there (chain is mine)

What a riot!!

Spanking Event for COPE Sept 29

Let me present:

Angel's Spanking Academy

Angel's Spanking Academy is offering a chance to challenge their infamous spanking exam to receive full certification and grade on your spanking style!

This event is open to any persons that wish to participate and have their spanking ability "rated" in the categories of "positioning" "dialogue" "technique" and "impact" (This is over the knee hand spankings, to be clear).

Exams would take place in the COPE dungeon, September 29th. Straight back chair will be provided. Bring your own lap and hand. Bonus points for creativity, dress and demeanor.

A spanking rubric will be emailed to any that wish to participate (so that you can practice, mwahaha) and Certificates of "Novice Spanker" "Intermediate Spanker" "Advanced Spanker" and "Master Spanker" will be awarded in accordance to one's score.

This is meant to be fun! Bring your creative streak!

Anyone wanting to participate, please message me with a time slot (count on this event taking 1/2 hour, 15 minutes of that being lap-time, with time to get your certificate and marks ready) I will need to know in advance how many want to play, so that I can gauge how many other backsides besides my own will be needed. (I am a glutton, to be sure, but I only have so much skin!)

Anyone wanting to be a bottom for this event, also please message me with time frames.

Anyone who feels they are qualified to be part of the Academy's grading team please let me know!

Happy Spanking!

Rope Group of my own!

Tonight I hosted a gathering for rope shenanigans, and oh my what fun!
I got to top, which is always highly entertaining, and tie people up... (ooooh!!) AND I was able to show off my own rope!
Fun fun!!

This is me, learning to splice rope:

When Reality Slaps you

Have you ever been so blissfully unaware that your perception did not match your partners, that an offhand comment from him/her is a cold slap of reality?

I have been living in a D/s relationship. A 24/7 sort of deal in which I have felt completely accepted for myself. i am loving it!

For the first time in my life I have felt that someone sees me, sees my submissive sexuality, my SAM (smart assed masochism), my compulsive need to have things 'just so', my need for control clashing for me need to submit.., that someone sees me and loves me, not in spite of these things, but because of these things...

I have never been this content, or this peaceful with myself. I have never been so relaxed about my perverse needs, my kinks, my sexuality. I have never been so self accepting.

So discovering that my perception, that he understood that my submission is part of how I tick, does not match his perception, was a hard slap that left me feeling lost, isolated and even rejected.
Seems silly now, of course, cuz it's only my knowledge that has changed... But silly or not, there I was feeling like the whole foundation for all that has been lifting me had crumbled, leaving me stranded in my own insecurities, lost in my own doubts. I felt helpless, alone and hurt.

I wept. I was afraid.

I don't want to put words in his mouth... I don't remember the exact words he said, and I am painfully aware that I do not know what he was thinking... But what I heard. what i translated his words to mean was...

Everything I feel is real is just play to him. So therefore (female brain, sigh) what is real to me, and has been holding me up is a lie. I am not accepted for who I am, I am not able to meet his needs, I am not enough. That my hidden self is just that, hidden. That he has not seen me. That he has expectations of me that I cannot meet. That I have failed. From there it was a short step to feeling rejected. I put myself out there, i had thought I had been accepted, but... If he is expecting me to drop my 'role', well in my feeling sorry for myself (and pms addled, let's not forget that) brain it seemed he was rejecting me. Not just rejecting me as in turning me down, but rejecting me for who I am.
Of course, we talked about it, after I got over myself a little. We established that my translation is not exactly accurate (lmfao). We talked a bit about the differences in our perceptions. He asked questions, I struggled to answer. He is an amazing man, really.

Now, to move forward i have to do what I wanted for myself. I have to SEE him and accept him for who he is, not a hard thing at all. But I also have to deal with my own doubts, a very hard thing indeed. I have to be ok with our differences in priorities and needs. I have to learn to be more... well.. less I guess... less submissive. Doable, right?

Nothing has changed, really, yet everything has. And it is impossible to know if that is good...
or not.



Update:
We are working on this together.  I think this is amazing, really, that we can face these bumps together, when I just share my thoughts.  Even when my words carry pain, he listens patiently.  Even when we are both struggling with so many other things, he is there, listening. 

He and I define terms differently.. soon we will be working on building our own definitions, together.  

Part 2 Shadowlane Spanking Party

We arrived at the ballroom and recieved our name badges. Happily we ran into a gentleman we had been talking to on Fetlife, which helped us to not feel so stranded. The room was packed!

We wandered the vendors, spending way more than I had planned. There were so many exciting items!  What we did end up with was a very evil ebony paddle, a deceptive leather paddle that is yummy on one side and evil on the other, a twilting style cane, both of Cassandra Parks books (It's supposed to hurt), an OTK T shirt, a video and a book from Shadow lane.  All books were signed!! 

I have to say, after watching every shadow lane video I can get my hands on and reading every paperbook by Eve Howard that I have discovered, I nearly died to be standing across the table from Eve herself.  What a lovely Lady! I was all blushing with feelings of awe, turned around and nearly died on the spot!!

Some of my very favorite spankers and brats were just standing there!!  I halted, floored, then got a grip on myself and headed to The Brit's table, flustered all to heck.
There I spoke with the ladies and got myself enrolled into the academy, an event planned for the next day. I was overtired, giggly, thrilled and terrified by the entire bit... And poor Sir!! There he was, still in his traveling clothes, as his darn bag still had not shown up...
Sir and I did hang out and enjoy the dinner, taking note of suite parties and whatnot, until we finally snuck out for a breather.  We are both quite shy and felt way out of our element.

Once in our room we discovered that his bag had been found!!  If we had just waited a few minutes before leaving for the dinner, Sir could have dressed up some...
Sir decided this was my fault (not fair!! I oh so did NOT set the time for dinner!! Can I help it that I like to arrive in a timely fashion???) and we had a long playtime in which he used all of our new toys and most of the toys we arrived with... It isn't often that I kick my feet, but I sure did for that darn leather paddle!! I love the other side though... It is my new favorite!

After a shower and a cuddle we dressed for spanking Olympics (LATE!!!) and headed to the appropriate suite.  The Olympics were fabulous!  I judged one event and we watched a few before Sir dragged me out of there.  I believe he could see that I was working up courage to enter us into an event, mwahahahaha.

We changed into our army outfits and headed to the sixties/nam party.  Many people there spoke to us with warmth, which was lovely.  To all of you who introduced yourselves, thank you! I wish I had been brave enough to make play dates with you!  We watched events, with me getting giddier by the minute... I am ever the voyeur, really!!
We returned to our room, exhausted.  Three hours sleep and over stimulated, I found myself bratting my way into yet another spanking, followed by unmentionable fun, shower and falling asleep wrapped safely in Sir's arms.

DAY TWO
We scooped some time at the pool, grabbed breakfast and then Sir kindly dressed me for the academy.  He laced me into my corset, snapped my stockings in and helped me into my long tight skirt and blouse.  Sir felt the need to round off this helping with a lovely blissful sighing spanking, pictures and kisses, then walked me to the academy...
OH MY GOOD GRIEF!!! What a wicked fun day.  Mrs. Darling and her co-star (oops I  mean co-spanker) were amazing role players.  Some of the girls were incredible at playing naughty schoolgirls, I was quite jealous.
I did end up over Mrs. Darlings knee once, and sent to the superintendent once, but for the most part I was too busy giggling at the girls to brat it up (and shy... so shy).
Other ladies have told this tale better than I can, check them out in the list of blogs at shadow lane.

Sir came and got me about three o'clock, so I missed the end of class.  We went and did some shopping, then I had more spankings, (at which he was shocked that I had no marks at all, and proceeded to try and fix this)  I love the way Sir spanks... But I certainly had some whimpers this time.. i may not mark much, but some areas were getting quite sensitive!!
We headed to the dinner, but left shortly after as Sir needed ZZZ time.
I waited till he was asleep and pouting I dressed up and snuck out to the suite parties. 
Bad.. I know... BUT

Although I wandered the parties, talked to many and had one lovely lady give me the tiniest of spankings, I did stay out of trouble.  I did not drink, i did not play with anyone (not that anyone asked me :), which made it easy to not get into trouble, no?)  I returned to the suite, pj'ed up and crawled into bed... sad that there was only one night left.

The next day we went to spanking court, where someone tattled about my solo adventure.  After court was yet another of Sir's rather hard spankings... Which I pretended to be whiny about, not that I fool him any.  We headed to the strip, shopped and went to a show. 

FINAL THOUGHTS
If I was more gregarious I would have had a wicked good time.  So many people spoke to me that I would have loved to play with, but I had not idea how to convey that, or if it was acceptable to even approach people.. All that talk on fet about creepers asking to play had me hesitant as hell.. We still had a great time!!! But most of my fun came from Sir. Which seems silly if you go all the way to Vegas, lol. But.. We met some amazing people!

Next time We will do things differently.  More networking, more mingling, less drinking, no gambling and twitter from day one.

Hugs and laughter

Part 1 Shadowlane Spanking Party in Vegas, 2012

was still awake at 1 am, the early morning of the first of September, trembling with excitement over the upcoming trip to Las Vegas... It reminded me of Christmas Eve when I was a very young girl... As I lay there trembling, trying so desperately to sleep but way beyond too excited...

My Dom, Mr.Nab, had already dished out a PreVegasSettleTheFuckDownMiss sort of spanking, which did nothing to lower my giddy glee and anticipation of the fun to come.  I have no idea how long I lay there beside him, hoping and hoping to get to sleep, but when that damn alarm went off at 430 am I was certainly feeling it.

We hustled through our morning must do's, dressing and loading the truck wtih my two bags (plus carry on, plus purse.. What can I say) and his one medium bag.. I left a thank you note for RK&f, twisted my hair into a clip and we stumbled out the door. 

I had chosen to dress in a long skirt and tak top, with a lacey sweater... which I knew would be fine once we hit vancouver ,but in Edmonton is was freaking cold.  I shivered miserably in truck as we made the 45 minute drive to the airport.

Mr. Nab expertly navigated the nearly deserted city, and we arrived at the airport with plenty of time.  Still shivering like a nudist in a snowstorm I straggled alongside my Sir. As we entered the airport, I dug out our passports and our flight confirmation number and we attempted to check in at the computer checking station... The lovely machine promptly spat out my boarding pass, but the screen displayed this ominous message, "Mr. Nab's boarding pass cannot be processed here.  Please check in at the counter".

We entered the long line, which to be fair we had to do to check out bags anyways.  While we waited I asked, sweetly, if there was anything I should know.  Mr. Nab gave me his 'not amused' look, which of course had me much cheered. At the counter the attendant professionally checked our bags and provided us with a boarding pass for Mr. Nab.  I asked if there was an issue, and she calmly shared that while there was no issue, Mr. Nab was the proud winner of an enhanced pat down-ie: he had been randomly selected to go through enhanced measures at the international airport in Vancouver. 
I tossed Sir a gleeful grin, opened my mouth and he said, "don't."  Anyone that knows me also knows that telling me 'no' or 'don't' is not much of a deterrant... Needless to say I was giggling like a maniac..

We headed to the security checkpoint, me teasing Sir the entire way... "Not even there  yet and you are getting some action!" I chortled.  Mr. Nab, to his credit, is incredibly laid back and took my ribbing and the situation with a calm that I envy to no end. I am not sure if I am just that bratty, If my humor is that skewed or if I was just beyond tired and giddy, but the calmer Sir was, the harder I giggled.

It certainly did not help matters that when the TSA fellow scanned Sir's boarding pass he ALSO gave Sir a huge shit eating grin, and said, "Uh, you know you were randomly selected..?" Keep in mind that Sir is a Six foot tall very pale bald guy-he stands out. And the agent was this 5'9" (ish) wiry built, dark hair, dark skinned gentleman.  So it was quite ironic, which tickled me to no end.

So there we were, Sir, my giggling self and the grinning TSA fellow.  Although Sir gave the gent a wry smile and nod, he was less amicable in regards to my mirth. He marked me to the first set of tables at the screening area, bent my protesting and giggling self over the table and delivered a resounding volley of.....



Ok... that didn't happen... I mean, no spanking-the giggling did happen..

Regardless we managed to board our plane and arrived in Vancouver without any further fuss.  We immediately headed to customs, where the border agent was humorous and entertaining as he stamped our passports.  then we entered the security area for international travel, which had me giggling again.  The actual pat down took perhaps ten seconds, it was nothing really, but it oh so amused the hell out of me.

The rest of our flight was peaceful, I am sure I slept a little.  Watching that last stretch of scenery I was again terribly excited!! Almost there!!

Unfortunately, our misadventures had only begun.  We landed without a problem, but while all my luggage arrived without an issue, Sir's bag did not.  There was however, a bag on the carasoul that was the same bag, except a different colour. We reported to the Agent, and they admitted they did not knmow if the bag had been flagged.  We left our information, and headed to the hotel.

We had been on the 'road' for 13 hours at this point., and Sir was not impressed with the idea of having to show up at the Shadowlane dinner in the clothing he had travelled in. So we checked into the hotel and walked to a 'nearby' set of shops. 

I was wearing sandals, and by the time we arrived at the shops my foot had a HUGE blister... so I did what any girl would do! I browsed shoes. Sir was not able to find anything that impressed him clothing wise and we returned to the hotel.

Where I unpacked a little, changed (and got well and truly spanked) and we headed to the dinner. 

Here is me in my corset, in Vegas

Life Lessons and Self Fulfillment

So.. Things with Mr. NAB (Not A Boyfriend) have been clicking along.

If you missed the fetrant, it is helpful to understand that as I was getting ready to go meet Mr. NAB, who was supposed to be a potential friend with benefits such as regular spanking dates for yours truly... A completely NSA arrangement, casual as all heck. 

Anyone that knows me is aware that I am not exactly all expert at casual.  Not me.. I fall in love, get married, spend a decade finding out that love is not enough, get divorced fall in love... you see? So after two failed marraiges I am a weeee bit relationship shy.. weeee as in the word boyfriend has me feeling a bit naseous, my heart pounding while I scan teh area for an escape route.. But I am needy and a glutton.  I NEEED regular (at least once a week!!) spanking time.  I need that subspace/flying or whatever.  I need spoiling (of the attention sort not money thanks).  I am kinda high maintenance. 
So I figured, I could do both! Just find a playmate with the time and energy to keep up with me, but no vanilla time.
Right?

Apparantly not.  A couple coffee in and my NonDate turned into my NonDominant and I found myself easily falling into submission., 

So ... We agreed that we'd just kinda go with it. No, I do not konw what that means really, but I know what it feels like...

It has been the most relaxing and yet most intense learning I have ever undergone.  And considering he has no idea what he is doing... (no experience with the 'rule book' style BDSM.. he just does what 'works'  and yes.. yes.. it works.)  ... well, color me overwhelmed. 

The Lessons Sir has taught me..

I have learned that I am not just sexually submissive, but in certain circumstances I am pretty damned 24/7 submissive --But only to my dominant... which brings us to the next lesson...

I have learned that in submitting myself to his will, I am not weaker, or less capable but Stronger and More capable. 

I have learned that facing scary things and working past that fear is incredibly empowering. 

I have learned, repeatedly, that one can not die from embarrassment, that shame is not an option being offered, and blushing is not a safeword.

I have learned that the world does not end if I am called a four letter word with all the reverence others might be called pet names.

I have learned that I gain more in submission than I do in questioning, doubts, worries, apprehension, uncertainty, hesitancy, guilt and shame.

I have learned that resistance without cause has no place in my life.  That resistance should have meaning-even if that meaning is to be playful.  That resistance with meaning is always rewarded but submission with blind trust is cherished.

I have learned that teasing is not always malice based.

I have learned that I am immature in many ways, childish in some ways and overly responsible in others.

I have learned that I am a valuable person, who, although bruised from other relationships, DOES have something to offer.  That even my gluttony can be a gift.

I have learned that this gift of learning, in the guise of a pinch to sensitive skin, a swat to tougher skin, teeth sinking into the meat of my shoulder, a hand on my neck not squeezing but there regardless, that these things are tools of fulfillment.  that each lesson fills me, leaving me sated, tired and renewed all at once.

Love the journey... just do

AND.. No jealousy?  No suspicion? No having to hide my past??
wow