Community Shadows

Let's be honest...
Our community, out of past necessity, has some rules and bylaws that are predator friendly. Our need and desire to keep things on the down low to avoid public scrutiny has created a culture of victim silencing and permissiveness in which predators like this one have been able to thrive.

We are a tight community, for all of our bickering, cliques and politics.  We tend to circle the wagons and protect what we see as part of our group. We need to face the fact that predators will and do enjoy some of the current rules in place; rules that protect the perpetrators of abuse rather than protect against them.  Some of these 'rules' are formal, some are more implied by way of silencing techniques.

Examples:

"If it didn't happen here, we don't want to know about it"
I don't blame them.  There are legal liabilities to consider if group leads have prior knowledge that personABC is a predator and they go on to abuse someone they meet at one of that group leads' venues.  I wonder if refusing to hear of such reports will stand in a court as a defense against this liability?  This stance also limits the groups ability to establish a pattern of behaviour, which otherwise would be quickly apparent.  By refusing to hear any report on violence or consent violations that do not occur at your event you are sending an invitation to abusers to feel free to shop for victims at your event, providing they do not abuse them there but instead wait until they get them alone.

"You were in a relationship, so it doesn't count"
Attention all rapists, just make sure you are in a relationship with the person you rape.  Then it is ok. (NOT actually.  In 1983 Canadian laws changed to reflect that EVEN IN MARRIAGE rape is not ok).

"It has to be reported, in writing, to person xyz"
Information that was not shared until 15 years after the gossip about this person started.  Information still not clearly being shared with the community.  What happens when that is reported?  What if the person you are supposed to report to is the problem (not saying they are, I am just being hypothetical here)? Can it be anonymous? Is there a special form?  In my case I was told to be very brief.  Yet I know he was permitted the option to defend himself at length, and I was scolded for not agreeing to send my post to my abuser to read, and for blocking my abuser.

"You cannot mention this person's name in conjunction with the club name."
This is a great way to silence victims.  In this context is that claim legal?  Can you legally tell a victim of sexual assault they cannot mention that the person who assaulted them has a formal position in that group?
This is to protect the club's reputation, I assume.  Sadly, if things are not addressed sooner or later this will hit the public in a very negative way.  I shudder to think of what the post 50 shades media will do with information that rape culture is alive and well in the local scene.

"Be a grown up ,deal with it"
This is one of the nastiest little buzz phrases ever, implying that anyone who can't deal with their rapist/abuser/harrasser/stalker is a child.

"Do not out anyone"
(Even if they rape you, their privacy is more important than your safety and well being)


Like I said, some of this is formal rules, some not so much.  Things need to change.  Preferably before we find ourselves in the middle of a media shit storm.  We need to become stronger, to support victims, cast out predators and actually stand by what we preach-that Consent Is the Foundation of Whatever It Is That We Do.