Isn't it interesting that in a group that exists to allow acceptance of those who are considered "outside the box" due to their sexuality, that one is immediately asked to find a box to fit in as per the mainstream groups found here?
I had to giggle over the choices when making my profile. Even in our fetishes, we are categorizing, classifying, grouping and generalizing. Are you a sub? bottom? male? TG? GQ? Master? Goddess? Protector? Princess? Do you like whips? whipcream? chocolate? Saran Wrap? (now I am hungry.. sigh)
I am horrible with terminology, as many who know me can certainly attest to
!I tend to get hung up on needing that term, that label or this category, defined, explained, examined, applied, tested and redefined. I tend to reject them out of hand, have people I trust and respect ask me to rethink it, and have to acknowledge, begrudgingly, that maybe.. MAYBE that label sort of fits.
Words can hurt! They have power! And labels not only lend to a definitive cast upon the person they are applied to, but they encourage limitations, they are confining, ambiguous. They contradict!
I oh so do not like ambiguity.
And yet, everyone of us defines ourselves with labels and terminology that may not have the same meaning to another. I am a bottom, certainly, if bottom means, "glutton to be spanked, teased, paddled, flogged, caned, etc". But it doesnt seem to mean that to anyone but me! i am a sub, i suppose, if by sub you mean "becomes submissive when with someone she trusts, in situations where she feels she safe and treasured, usually those situations are sensual or sexual in nature" Again though, that is my definition. I am a slave if you mean, "for a set period of negotiated time she gives teh right to another to make all decisions for her within her agreed upon and discusses limitations" (haha, but for me that period of time is likely less than a couple of hours.. just saying).
I am a top if you mean that I get pleasure from creating a scene for someone's enjoyment. I am a dominant if by dominant you mean that I like to get my way, I am sometimes bossy and capable of looking after myself and anything and anyone else I choose. I am a sadist if you mean that I can become sexually aroused by someone elses struggle to accept the overload of sensations that I can create. I am a masochist if you mean that what causes pain to many causes me intense sexual pleasure and well being.
But I tend to see those things more like a sliding scale. I do not see being a Top and a Bottom as oppositional, but rather different perspecitves of sensation play. I do not see Dominant and Submissive as opposites, but rather each is their own quality that we each posess some of. Johnny may be an 8 on a 1-10 scale of dominance, and be a 6 on a 1-10 scale of submissiveness. I think most of the BDSM labels are overgneralized, when they can be so situation specific, so partner specific and mood driven.
I don't want a pigeon hole! I certainly don't enjoy being told, "your profile lists you as a thisorthat but you just spoke like a thatorthis" so WHAT!?
I am a person, with varying moods, varying skills. Today I might crave being pinned over a knee, getting the hell spanked out of me until I am in tears and struggling like mad, and tomorrow I may crave the satisfaction of holding those floggers in my hand, watching the skin I am whacking pinken and swell so wonderfully. So what? Why must I enjoy only what someone else wants for me to enjoy? Why do we, us humans, feel that we need to match up with someone that enjoys sex the exact same way we do, rather than enjoy the diversity of each persons skill set, interests and quirks?
Still, all ranting and my own quirks against labels aside, This community is amazing. So many people with such a wide variety of interests, attitudes and so forth. How .. YUMMY
Enjoy..
~.o
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